butterfly05's Journal

Oct 2006
9:14 AM EDT

Yes everyone keeps telling me I am a b**** lately... Well it's because nothing seems to make me happy lately I mean nothing!!!... When I get something in my life to look forward to it never happens.. So I try to look at things on the bright side as I always have had to do in my life just to get by. Im tired of people being on my case about how I am this is me and im not changing so listen up... Yes you always see a smile on my face but 90% of the time its fake, when people talk to me i dont listen i just nod cuz im in my own world . I worry all day long about certain things that most of you have no clue about that go on in my life. You can say you know me but you really dont Hell I dont even know myself Im still trying to figure myself ouT! if i dont answer your calls get a clue dont keep trying i hate that s***. Theres only a hand full of people I can truely say I love and two that i care about. I dont see me changing back to the way I used to be until i can find a way to be happy... So now you know why I am a BITCH as you say but I say its just me like me or dont.

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Oct 2006
7:10 AM EDT

ok, im a screw up, i allready knew that, all my life, ide been nothing but a screw up, im used to it, ive accepted the fact that i cant do n e thing right and that everything i touch turns to shit, but y cant i atleast make the man i love happy? whats so hard about that?i tried everything, i dont know what else to do, if i try any harder, my life would be pointless. wait a sec. it all ready is, im a freaking stripper, as if the world really needs me, my parents hate me, they just use me for money, they would actually be more concerned about the insurance money they get than how i died if i did infact die, i have no real friends, all my so called "friends" just want to get in my pants, and the one man that does care, i cant even make happy, except with sex, so i give it to him as much as i can, but outside the sex, i even piss him off when i clean...what the hell is wrong wit me!!!! what ever! i have to go to work, maybe if im lucky, the taxi i take turns out to be some araibian suicide bomber. ill just go to work, get drunk, and picture george washingtons head on all these old pervs. btw sorry bout the spelling, im kinda fudged up/

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Oct 2006
12:44 PM EDT

beautifull day out side, but im inside, im f*ked up cuz no matter what i did or planned today, it backfired, my boyfriend got mad and went to sleep, i had lunch delivered to make up for it, and it made him sick, he puked it up, and i payed 4 a taxi all the way to work, wich i was going to force my self to do, even though i havent slept in 2 nights, my foot is bruised, and i probally ripped open my cervix scars( cancer surgery, rough sex may have opened it) so i getr there and i start to get dressed and i dont have my uniform. so i come home and guess what... it was in the side pocket... so i decidied f*ck that, if im gonna have such a shitty day, might as well b fuked up, i dont even have n e one to talk to about it, my b friend is knocked out and refuses to wake up, so, im just here, enjoying my miserable day by my self

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Sep 2006
10:08 PM EDT

well, it has been a few days and what can i say, same shit, different day. today wasnt so bad, but my boyfriend really upset me earlyer, im a clean freak, and i love to clean, it is just something i enjoy, and when i moved in here his place was a disaster!! so i cleaned it from head to toe, and i try hard to keep it clean, and he blew up at me today... get this... because im always cleaning!!!! OMG! 1ST OF ALL, ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I ENJOY IT IS CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IM DOING SOMETHING NICE FOR HIM... OH, ILL BE BACK, HE'S COMMING, ILL FINISH LATER.

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Sep 2006
7:44 PM EDT

This is my 1st entry, it would be imposible to tell u everything, but in time u'll see where im comming from. Right now, im living with my boyfriend who i have been with for about 3 months, i've been around him pretty much 24/7 since the first night that i met him, which scares me, cause my last relationship was the same way, and as soon as i fell head over heals for the guy, he broke my heart. maybe i try too hard, i don't know, i just like to make the man i love happy, and this one doesn't seem to appreciate it. he doesn't compliment my cooking, or seam to awknowlege that i cleaned the house. ( which took 3 days... it was a mess!) i'll write him little notes like once everyother week, just letting him know that i love him and appreciate him, and he will read it and throw it away, with out so much as a kiss or hug. i know it sounds like he just doesn't like me, but he's the one that said the htree dreadfull words first, it took me, almost a month after that toi say it back, now it's like it means nothing. some times he is real nice, and other times i feel like he hates my guts! i'm also the one with the major income right now... he gets money from his parents every once in a while, but i pay for alot. The worst part is, i'm a stripper, so my money doesn't come easy, i have to go into work every night, get naked, and let 60 year old men grope me, and tell me they want to taste my pussy. I'M ONLY 19!!! that shit is scaring me for life!! nowonder i don't have much of a sex drive.oh, G2G

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butterfly05's Profile

Username: butterfly05

Gender / Age: Female, 37

Location: USA

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About Me: My life is complicated, never a dull moment, i've been through more than most people do in a life time, and im only 19. but im a stronger person cause of it.

Favorite Music: i like pretty much everything except good charlot and tejano music

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