It's incredible how you can never be you.� Well in my case, I feel like I can't.� I guess that is fear of losing her, but really should we be struggling this much.� This just crazy.�
6pm...so did you talk to him and find out if he poked a hole in the bag of fertilizer.� Yes I did! Let me guess, he said he didn't.� Yes that is what he said.� Yeah well, I don't believe him...you can't read him like I can and I know he is not telling the truth.�
So no matter what...there was no winning that conversation and what the hell amd I suppose to do?� I can't shake it out of him, he said he didn't and I talked to him over and over and he said he didn't do it.�
My head continues to spin of course after the conversation ends with her.� Feeling like I am missing something and I should have done something else to him to get it out of him.�
All it took for her was one lie, now everything he says is a lie.� OMG she is so negative towards him.� Well, he will learn and judge her for himself.� I am tired, my feelings are starting to be questionable, and I never thought I would ever say, I think I rather be alone, than deal with this anymore.
I'm done venting...any advice?� Till then...I have a productive day at work...and I need to get started.
I can't get over the fact, no matter what I do, it is never enough.� I don't think this is for her or even for me.� I think I starting to feel, I rather be alone with my son and raise him the best I can and hope for the best.�
She feels I defend him, which sometimes I do, but other times I really just don't agree with her.� I feel, it's her way or no way.� She can really make my insides boil, and I don't like that feeling.� She needs to sit back and relax or better yet deal with her ownself.� She doesn't return her familes phone calls and there is no reason not to.� She can be selfish and controlling, just as much as I am.� hmmmm� But there is no telling her that, she will just lock up.
I feel I can't win and it really is starting to get old.� Wow 2.5 years and still not where I want to be in my life.� All that is a happy family.� Is that to much to ask for?� I don't think it is.� /sigh/
�Well today is my first day to a new start of finding myself and kicking all those quirks I have.� I am a sensitive person, who will cry all types of tears.� Sometimes it really gets on my nerves, but there� is no controlling them when they start to flow.� On the other side of me, I am controlling to people I shouldn't have any control over, the ones I should just love and respect.� Then there is the other people in my life, who I give no control and respect, who should get it from me.
So I am on a mission to change things around.� Here goes....wish me luck!
Life's magic is a lot like a swift flowing river. No matter how long you've overlooked it or unwittingly swam against it, the instant you stop struggling you're back in the flow, hat down low, coolest cat on the block.
In other words, your so-called "baggage," ain't no thang.��
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