view member journals

My family has been joking around with me being a vampire. because:

1.I have very white, sprakly , perfect teeth which ive never had dentil work on.

2.I'm allergic to garlic.

3.I'm very pale. ive never seen someone so naturally pale. and neither has anyone else.

4.My eyes are black when im angry.

5.School comes very easy to me. And im a very quick learner.

6.I don't blink, i only blink when i put in my contacts, and when i close my eyes if somthing might get in my eyes.

7.I have headaches alot.

8.The only place i get pimples is on the back of my neck, and i think in my 14 years, ive had 2 pimples.

9.Some people say my face/skin is the clearest thing they'd ever seen.

10.My senses are very acute. I can hear someone�whispering 4 rooms away. I can smell everyone's own scent, and i know who comes in the room by smell. My skin is chilly alot. and im very sensitive to heat (like in the shower, i feel like warm water is burning my skin). The only reason i have glasses/contacts is because when i was little i got into some chemicals and hurt my eeyes, so i have very bad eye sight. but its fine with glasses. =]

11.i breath a bit heavier/faster than most people.

12.I dont really like the sun, when i go outside i close my eyes if the true sunlight is out because it hurts my eyes, and gives me a headache. and when the sun shines right on my skin it stings. But i love the feel of it when im really cold.

I've never shared this with anyone, and probly never will. it's a shame how people are these days. =/

You're probly reading this saying 'she's making this all up, she just wants attention' OR 'omg vampires arn't real!!!' OR 'how does all �this have to do with being a vampire?!'

I have an answer for you, this is my journal. You decided to read it. Keep your rude thoughts to yourself. i never once said i was a vampire. im just posting my thoughts.

I've decided an online journal is most likly the best for me. Considering my mother will read anything and everything that looks like it belongs to me. I've started journals many many times. I've either forgot about the whole journal idea because it felt more like an obligation then a relaxation techniquie. Or my journal was found, read, and gotton shoved in my face because of the words i write. Shouldn't a journal be something that is completly yours? Shouldn't it be somewhere you can just spill your blood, guts, and feelings into? If i ever get an answer, i'll tell write down in this neat little online-journal.

Besides all the nonsense�of starting my journal...

It's been 2 days since i was dismissed from Children's Mercy Hospital. Gah, i hate saying 'children's mercy' i feel like i'm so young and helpless, like i have no expericance with anything. I relize i'm 14 years young, but i still can't help but be angery about not being able to make all of my desisions. Any whos. The doctors didn't find anything else wrong with me (of course, they never do), except for EGD. Which we've known about for a while, and thought be had it under control. Guess not. They sent me home with yet another medication to try. As if i'm a helpless animal that they test anything on. The pain is overwhelming most of the time. I sometimes get relief, but mostly just pain. No one belives the pain i go through.

[insert best friend's name]�is semi-supportive of me. But latly i've been doing alot of thinking...The week i was in the hospital i called her to tell her and she said 'sorry..' and then spoke of nothing but herself, and her crushes, her friends, her great life. It made me sick. It's not that i want her to be 'omfg. blah blah blah are you okay?!?!?!? blah blah blah omg!' I just wanted her to agknowledge me in some way. Say 'i hope you get better' or 'i wish you luck'. That exact thing happened with [insert friend's name].

And they are all i have. And i just lost them. Sure i have [insert a buddy's name], kinda, she's to caught up in 'Audrey' or 'Aubrey' or...something... She talks about her so offen i try to block her words out. So. i'm down to...... well.....Me.

I know people say 'im so alone! i have no one!' and they have like 2 billions friends waiting on AIM to talk to them.�But, in this case I don't have anyone. I havn't 'hung out' with someone in...like....3 and a half weeks. I know that doesn't sound like much but, when you're in pain constantly, being with people you loves gives a little band-aid to me. I hate talking about this. I don't understand why i even think about this sort of thing.

My sister and mom persuaded me into reading 'Twilight'. And that was probly the best thing at could happen to me, and the worst.�I'm on page 197 and i've figured out 27% of myself. It's so scary how one book, one movie, one person can change someone so easy. Why i say the worst is that i've been paying attention to myself more and more. And i scare myself sometimes. At times I think i'm just a hair-obsessed teenage girl, at others.... i think i'm more than a teenage girl trying to find friends. I'm something else...but i can't find it. I dig and strugle to figure it out, but i have no luck. My face is burning with red anger. I hate it when i don't know things. That's silly, isn't it? Because i don't know ALOT of things. No one can know everything. I'm aware of that, i just hate it when something is put in front of me and i don't know the answer or the thing it's hiding.

I guess that's life huh?