WELL I JUST WOKE UP FROM A DREAM. A DREAM THAT WAS REAL EVERYTHING IN MY DREAM WAS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING TO HUBBY DURING OUR LAST 50 FIGHTS. "I WILL CONTINUE TO WORK ON CHANGING ME BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I WILL WORK ON HELPING YOU CHANGE YOU!" THE DREAM WAS OF HIM AND I, I BELIEVE AT HOME, AND MY AUNT THAT I'M CLOSE TO, ALONG WITH MY DEAD GRAMMIE (MY MOTHER'S MOTHER) CAME TO VISIT. EVERYTHING WAS GOOD AND WE ALL WERE LAUGHING AND TALKING ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AND OUT OF THE BLUE MY HUBBY SAID SOMETHING LIKE - WELL NOW I CANT REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID BUT IT WAS SOMETHING VERY MEAN. HE THEN WALKED OFF. I RAN AFTER HIM AND HE WAS IN A SMALL ROOM (MAYBE A BATHROOM) AND HE HAD THIS SMIRK ON HIS (ACTUALLY HE LOOOKED DOWNRIGHT HAPPY) AND I SAID, "WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" HE SAID, "WELL YOU GOT A LOT OF GOOD POINTS WHEN WE WERE TALKING LAST NIGHT AND SO I WANTED TO GET YOU BACK." I WAS LIKE WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HERE I THINK WE'RE FIXING STUFF AND YOU GO AND DO THAT? I JUST FREAKED. I WAS LIKE, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU DON'T STOP TORTURING ME WITH YOU WORDS AND UNKINDNESS TO ME i'M LEAVING??? I'M TAKING MAKAYLA AND WE'RE MOVING OUT? I AM NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO LIVE LIKE THIS AND YOU BETTER STOP! THEN I GOT RIGHT IN HIS FACE AND LOOKED HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYES TO MAKE SURE THAT HE HEARD ME AND SAID, "DO YOU SEE MY EYES?? LOOK AT THEM! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDING OR JUST TALKING??" HUBBY SAID, "SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE NOW?" I SAID, "NO BUT IF YOU DON'T STOP IT'LL WILL BE VERY SOON!" I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE AND I WON'T. I DON'T DESERVE THIS AND IT'S ENOUGH!" I STARTED TO LEAVE THE ROOM AND WAS GOING DOWN THIS LONG FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND HE PUSHED ME. RIGHT THEN I SAW HIS SISTER COMING TOWARDS THE STAIRCASE FROM BELOW AND SHE JUST LOOKED AT US. NEVER SAID FOR HUBBY TO STOP OR WHAT'S GOING ON OR NOTHING AND I REMEMBER THINKING, HE COULD KILL ME AND THEY WON'T SAY A WORD TO HIM. WELL AS I WAS FALLING INTO THE STAIRCASE RAILING AND TRYING TO GRAB ON I TURNED TO HIM AND STARTED CRYING AND YELLING, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? OR SOMETHING TO THAT AFFECT. I WOKE UP RIGHT THEN. WOW WHAT A TERRIBLE DREAM BUT IT'S ACTUALLY LIKE ALOT OF OUR FIGHTS. THINGS CAN BE GOING GOOD AND THEN WOW, OUT OF THE BLUE, HE'LL MAKE A REMARK THAT SENDS ME REELING. HIS EXCUSE IS THAT HE HOLDS STUFF IN UNTIL HE EXPLODES.
OUR DAUGHTER IS AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND SO WE SPENT ALOT OF TIME TALKING LAST NIGHT BEFORE WE WENT TO THE MOVIES AND EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. WE HAD A GOOD TIME, SOME LAUGHS AND REALLY ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY SO I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAD TO DREAM THIS DREAM. MAYBE I'M AFRAID IT WON'T LAST. THE FIGHTING AND THE RUDE COMMENTS WILL COME BACK? I DON'T KNOW. ALSO, I DON'T KNOW WHY MY DECEASED GRANDMOTHER WAS IN THE DREAM AND WHY HIS SISTER, AS I WAS ALMOST FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS, DIDN'T SAY SOMETHING. IN REALITY I'M SURE SHE WOULD HAVE, OR AT LEAST I THINK SHE WOULD HAVE. I'M JUST WONDERING WHAT THIS DREAM COULD BE TELLING ME.
ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO GET THIS WRITTEN DOWN BEFORE I FORGOT IT. I WISH I COULD REMEMBER WHAT HUBBY HAD SAID IN THE DREAM THAT SET ME OFF. FUNNY WHO I BLOCKED THAT OUT. MAYBE IT'S TRUE AND SOMETHING I NEED TO WORK ON AND IF SO WHY DID I BLOCK IT OUT?
I'LL WRITE MORE LATER.
HEDDA
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