�I had a pretty good morning when I�woke up.� I�slept as late as I�could. �I�had a dream that I�had a book overdue and the charges were $3.53.� It bothered me, so I�checked one of my library accounts� and found that I�did have a book overdue, but it was not as much as what I�dreamed about.� It's only $0.80.� I am not happy that it's overdue, but at least I�thought to check before the charges got any higher.
I've seen Twilight 3 times since it's came out. i'm soooo cool.
Anyways. lets talk about the basics.
1.It's 25 days til' Christmas. My parents asked me 'Do we still need to buy you gifts, or are you old enough that we don't have to anymore?'
2.Thanksgiving was... tiring, fake,�and never-ending.
3.My apperantice doesn't seem to consume my life as much now. And i'm very happy with that. I'd really like to make friends with someone whom will be MY friend, now my style's friend. =D
4.I'm not dating anyone, and i havnt dated anyone in a long time. I've given up on crushes, they're useless, and all that provide is heartbreak or anger. I'm not super worried right now about that anyways. I'm in high school. Its not i'm middle-aged and have 3 kids. I'll wait for my Edward to find me.
5.I'm writing a 'story' well...more like a book. I'm on chapter 5. And no, i won't be posting any of my book. OR my art. Because all that leads to is people stealing my work.
6.Zia (my ball python) seems to be my only friend latly. Israel is soo immature...well...actually he's quite dumb. He may be a junior, but im a freshman, and he gets angry with me when i talk above his head. My fault? Nope.� And Ashley (bff?), well, i'm just not sure. I have a very bad feeling that she is going to leave/give up on me very soon. I try to tell her everything, but she never seems to want to say anything back. She says she's just a 'listener', and not a talker. But i have a strange feeling that that's not quite the truth. That make's me quite sad actually... *blinks eyes to try to hold back crying*
7.I wish my sister was my age. Her being away at College sorta sucks. But, then again it has it's up sides.� Her boyfriend lives here with his, and i dont mind that AT ALL because he's awesome, and i love talking to him. He's like a brother. But i like her being away because i can have friends over without worrying if they are gunna wanna hang out with her more than me. (which has happened before) AND i dont have to worry about having my hair done and makeup done all the time, because when she is home she ALWAYS has friends over. I swear, she has like 230924029384 friends. She makes me feel so anti-social. BUT, i like having her home because when she's in a good mood, i love talking to her. And when she's home (and no friends over) we sometimes go places together. And i really love getting out of the house and spending time with her. Getting to know her more would be great. Yet, she never has time for her little sister. =/ I suppose that's the way it is with all sisters, right?
8.it SUCKS because there are a couple things i can't even post on the internet because people would call me crazy or somehow the people who know me from my school or whatever would find it, then tell everyone. It's nothing embrassing, its just, not very humanly.
9.Geez. The Twilight Soundtrack is mezerizing. I listen to it ALL the time. <3
10.I havn't slept in 2 and a half weeks. The last time i slept i dreampt of me walking down a dark street and i heard someone talking to themselves. They were sitting on the curb, i put my hand on their shoulder and then they were just gone...i looked around and tried to find them, i ran until my lungs gave out and i dropped to the ground. Then, i woke. It's scary...i just dont understand what it means.
11.I'm going to go play the piano for a while. i'm getting better at it i think. =]
WELL I JUST WOKE UP FROM A DREAM. A DREAM THAT WAS REAL EVERYTHING IN MY DREAM WAS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING TO HUBBY DURING OUR LAST 50 FIGHTS. "I WILL CONTINUE TO WORK ON CHANGING ME BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I WILL WORK ON HELPING YOU CHANGE YOU!" THE DREAM WAS OF HIM AND I, I BELIEVE AT HOME, AND MY AUNT THAT I'M CLOSE TO, ALONG WITH MY DEAD GRAMMIE (MY MOTHER'S MOTHER) CAME TO VISIT. EVERYTHING WAS GOOD AND WE ALL WERE LAUGHING AND TALKING ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AND OUT OF THE BLUE MY HUBBY SAID SOMETHING LIKE - WELL NOW I CANT REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID BUT IT WAS SOMETHING VERY MEAN. HE THEN WALKED OFF. I RAN AFTER HIM AND HE WAS IN A SMALL ROOM (MAYBE A BATHROOM) AND HE HAD THIS SMIRK ON HIS (ACTUALLY HE LOOOKED DOWNRIGHT HAPPY) AND I SAID, "WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" HE SAID, "WELL YOU GOT A LOT OF GOOD POINTS WHEN WE WERE TALKING LAST NIGHT AND SO I WANTED TO GET YOU BACK." I WAS LIKE WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HERE I THINK WE'RE FIXING STUFF AND YOU GO AND DO THAT? I JUST FREAKED. I WAS LIKE, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU DON'T STOP TORTURING ME WITH YOU WORDS AND UNKINDNESS TO ME i'M LEAVING??? I'M TAKING MAKAYLA AND WE'RE MOVING OUT? I AM NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO LIVE LIKE THIS AND YOU BETTER STOP! THEN I GOT RIGHT IN HIS FACE AND LOOKED HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYES TO MAKE SURE THAT HE HEARD ME AND SAID, "DO YOU SEE MY EYES?? LOOK AT THEM! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDING OR JUST TALKING??" HUBBY SAID, "SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE NOW?" I SAID, "NO BUT IF YOU DON'T STOP IT'LL WILL BE VERY SOON!" I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE AND I WON'T. I DON'T DESERVE THIS AND IT'S ENOUGH!" I STARTED TO LEAVE THE ROOM AND WAS GOING DOWN THIS LONG FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND HE PUSHED ME. RIGHT THEN I SAW HIS SISTER COMING TOWARDS THE STAIRCASE FROM BELOW AND SHE JUST LOOKED AT US. NEVER SAID FOR HUBBY TO STOP OR WHAT'S GOING ON OR NOTHING AND I REMEMBER THINKING, HE COULD KILL ME AND THEY WON'T SAY A WORD TO HIM. WELL AS I WAS FALLING INTO THE STAIRCASE RAILING AND TRYING TO GRAB ON I TURNED TO HIM AND STARTED CRYING AND YELLING, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? OR SOMETHING TO THAT AFFECT. I WOKE UP RIGHT THEN. WOW WHAT A TERRIBLE DREAM BUT IT'S ACTUALLY LIKE ALOT OF OUR FIGHTS. THINGS CAN BE GOING GOOD AND THEN WOW, OUT OF THE BLUE, HE'LL MAKE A REMARK THAT SENDS ME REELING. HIS EXCUSE IS THAT HE HOLDS STUFF IN UNTIL HE EXPLODES.
OUR DAUGHTER IS AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND SO WE SPENT ALOT OF TIME TALKING LAST NIGHT BEFORE WE WENT TO THE MOVIES AND EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. WE HAD A GOOD TIME, SOME LAUGHS AND REALLY ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY SO I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAD TO DREAM THIS DREAM. MAYBE I'M AFRAID IT WON'T LAST. THE FIGHTING AND THE RUDE COMMENTS WILL COME BACK? I DON'T KNOW. ALSO, I DON'T KNOW WHY MY DECEASED GRANDMOTHER WAS IN THE DREAM AND WHY HIS SISTER, AS I WAS ALMOST FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS, DIDN'T SAY SOMETHING. IN REALITY I'M SURE SHE WOULD HAVE, OR AT LEAST I THINK SHE WOULD HAVE. I'M JUST WONDERING WHAT THIS DREAM COULD BE TELLING ME.
ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO GET THIS WRITTEN DOWN BEFORE I FORGOT IT. I WISH I COULD REMEMBER WHAT HUBBY HAD SAID IN THE DREAM THAT SET ME OFF. FUNNY WHO I BLOCKED THAT OUT. MAYBE IT'S TRUE AND SOMETHING I NEED TO WORK ON AND IF SO WHY DID I BLOCK IT OUT?
I'LL WRITE MORE LATER.
HEDDA
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