You know, It continues to amaze me. I think back to elementary school when all you needed to worry about is if you were going to pack your lunch or buy it.
Now everything seems to be about sex.�I can't go a day in school without hearing about it. I'm just so sick of it.
I�have this friend (We'll call her Ryley) that I�used to be really close with. We are still close, but lately we haven't been. I just found out that she has already had sex. Okay. A)We are freshmen. and�B)She has only been dating him for about two months. She is way in over her head. I just worry about her.
My sixth period class is art. I love art. It's one of my favorite classes. But now, I�dread going there. Everyday I just hate going there. Why? Well, there is a couple that sits at my table. Thay are always talking about when they had sex. Or when they took a shower together. Really? I don't want to hear that.
And honestly. That is personal. You would think that people would want the whole world to know that.
Anyway now everybody knows about Ryley and her boyfriend and she is pissed because she confided that information with one of my best friends�(we'll call her Ashely)�and she told me, and my two other friends. (We'll call them Jasmine and Jacey)
So now there is like this feud thing and I just don't want to get involved.
But anyway my I am completely in love with my boyfriend. (let's call him Lucas.) We have been dating for three months since March 7th. He is my other half. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of�his life with me. And I�know where I�stand on the whole sex thing. I don't want to do it untill I'm married. He is fine with that. but peopl assume things. They assume that we will do stuff or that he is going to pressure me to do things. But see. He's not like that. Even my mom doesn't think he is like that. If she thinks it's fine, then how come my friends can't?
Anyway, I�just want to avoid the whole sex topic period. But I�don't want to be a bitch when they start talking about it. how can I�just avoid it? Please help me. I'm just a teenage girl who is sick of it.
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Wow, my life seems to be as bad as a soap opera these days. I don't know what to do about it anymore. Everything is so turned upside down these days and messed up. I feel like a single mother, which is SO NOT easy to do! I admire my mom more and more.
I wish I had some sort of futuristic camera that I could watch and see what would happen with my life depending on which choice I made. I've never been in this position and it is so incredibly hard. What do I do? It would be even better if God would just whisper the answer in my ear and I would know everything would be fine! I would know the right way to go.
My brain tells me to go. That things won't change in the long run. That it'll get better temperarily and then it will all go back to the same stuff. Which, I believe. My brain is right. It is!
But my heart can't let it go. It just can't. It breaks everytime I think about stepping out the door. But it's so wrong! My heart is wrong! And I find that to be harder than anything. Knowing what I should do but not having the courage to do it. What do you do in a situation like this? Where would I go? With my mom? I can't stand living in that house. But my name is at my place. What about all the stuff we have? What happens to me? I'm out alone, with nothing, and Alyssa? That doesn't seem right. Not even a car to get back and forth to work! LOVELY!
I really need some advice. This is such a vague journal entry. But maybe someone can give me some insite on what I have down.
Ooohhh this is so hard!
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