So I dont know what Im doing.. I mean Ricky is just too good to be true.. I dont deserve someone like him. I know ima be the heartbreaker in the end. I know he will hate me and never talk to me again even though he said he'll love me forever. But thats what all guys say cus they think thats what girls want to hear.. and we do.. But we wanna hear it from someone we love. He says he loves me more than anything.. that im the love of his life... and it makes me happy that i am .. But honestly Id be lying to myself if i said He was the love of my life. The commitments he wants from me are too big.. I dont think i can keep every single promise i made him.. I dont wanna hurt him.. & sometimes i just think to myself why am i saying all this to this guy if i dont mean it.. I love him hes an amazing guy.. He really is but like i said before Im not�IN Love with him.. Hes everything I need but everything I dont think i want.. Should i tell him now..? Cuz im honestly so lost.. Im starting high school next month and I think that things are going to change between us.. he wants to meet up with me but i dont think i can. I dont want him to fall deeper in love with me than he already is.. Hes gonna be the one whose gonna be hurt and i'll be hurt but not as much as hes gonna be.. I feel as if this relationship went a bit too fast.. I want a healthy relationship.. One where i can see him everyday and be comfortable around him & be happy. I dont wanna break up with him.. I really dont.. But if i keep it going Ima end up hurting him soo much and i dont want that.. I dont want him to hate me for not loving him.. I wanna be his best friend. and i think that was what i should have kept it.. not a boyfriend.. I love you so much But i dont think it'd be as much as you love me..
So Mitchel invited me to his ex girlfriends bday party on the 29th.. I like really want to go .. But isnt it weird? Going to a party you werent even invited.. and especially his ex girlfriends..!! I really would love to meet him but then i would love to meet him somewhere thats not his ex gfs party.. like a simple dinner :D Hehe thatd be awsome.. N hes like 5'11 ahh tall men are like awsome ..!! Well yeahh idk if i should go or not..!�! >.<
But Yeah Thats all i wanted to write.. nothing much to write about.. besides today Joes bday :D hehe 23rd i think?? or 22nd? idk lol but yeah happy bday..! :) lets see what we do!!
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