Prissy

 
    
18
Oct 2007
10:36 AM HAST
   

I love my life today.
It feels like a couple of good things happened. Then towards the evening I got this overwhelming sense of being so damn lucky to life here in Hawaii. Then Gary told me the owners of the appartment said he could basically hang out here for the next 14 years. And eventhough that doesn't directly apply to me, it's security. It's a feeling of not being rushed or forced to do anything. This year is closing so well.
When Dean dumped me, I thought my world would fall apart. It felt like it did for a bit. Then I started talking to Steven again. And he said he wouldn't mind waiting for me.
As usual Daddy told me I was a princess, and so deserving of much more than what life has handed out to me. I could always accept what he said. And I still do. That man! I love him so much.
Haven't really been able to break even with Danny. It seems like he's just really busy and not really ready to deal with my issues. But he does listen when I talk. And I love him for that.
I plan to meet up with Ryan for a bit tonight. Right by the bookstore. He sounds like the old Ryan, except Sober!

I'm almost glad that Dean let me go. I wouldn't have been the one to do that. I was starting to get comfortable with the idea of being with him indefinitely. With me, everything is doable, and it's really for me to see if the other person is up to it or not.
For that matter I know Steven loves me unconditionally. Sometimes it feels like his desire to start a family or be a family is more than his desire for me, or his love for me. But if that's the downside of any hopeful relationship between us I really have no issues with that.

Now I just have to work out the math: Get my divorce finalized, start paying off debt, separate myself entirely from John, and maybe even be amicable with him again. I'm not sure how that will turn out, but my intentions are pure. I think it will be easy on all of us. I mean, he did teach me a lot. I just hope he's not bitter and can let go of some things and be a little social with me.

I swear, sometimes it feels like a Spirit or Spirits are watching over me. It feels like a lot of the things in my life are being guided by a star or something. Like I have these protective walls around me that won't allow me to make a wrong decision or take a wrong path. And if somehow that happens I find my way back to the original Priscilla. It's pretty crazy. But good. I feel safe, not so down on myself and lonely anymore.
What a wonder.
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prissy's Profile

  • Username: prissy
  • Gender / Age: Female, 46
  • Location: USA - Hawaii
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    PRISSY's Interests:

    About Me: At 30, my life so far has been all about discovering myself and forming my own personal identity. One that honors my heritage, my family and my dreams. These days it's all about equipping myself for a future in the clothing business, while investing time in a prospective family life. Sometimes it's a balancing act. But I have a feeling, this is just the preview. So strategically, if I get good at this, the future is a breeze... ;)

    Interests: Computer accounting systems, excel, Websites, Mortal Kombat, TombRaider, Burnout, Yoga, RollerBlading, American History, Just hanging out with good friends and family.

    Favorite Music: Norah Jones, Sarah Mclaughlin, Maroon 5, Classic Rock.

    Favorite Movies: Iron-Man, Kung Fu Panda.

    Favorite Television: America's Best Dance Crew.

    Favorite Books: Psychology, particularly male and female psyche, Suspense novels.