Prissy

 
    
16
Oct 2007
11:14 AM HAST
   


... Answer: I don't know.And I don't care right now. All I want to do is put my thoughts down on paper... e-paper.

So I know in my heart I'm not ready to settle down with anyone. Or be anyone's girlfriend. I want to be free to bring closure to some issues in my life.
And in the meantime, just have a good time, sex and all.
I think I kinda have a steady sex-partner. That would be Robin. I like his style of sex. And there's absolutely no strings attached. He's from freaking London. They do things the way a free spirit should! So it works out just fine... And I think he likes me a little.

Steve on the other hand, is ready for a full-blown relationship. Plus he's pretty messed up himself, so in a weird irony of sorts he's the only one I take advice from. And he's good in bed!

Neither Steve nor Robin are realistically ready to settle down with anyone. And we're talking girlfriend or wife.
So they're really in my category of "being with".

I have to moan the loss of Dean. My dean. I thought we were soulmates. But that didn't work the way I expected. Not one bit!
I think that maybe in a way I was using him for my own benefit. And in the process I started to care. The deathly caring for a guy that you like. Oh God! It's a disease, an epidemic. Then they start to grow on you, and that's all you think about. Then you convince yourself that you and he were meant to be. And you're really settling for second best. Not again! Never! I'd rather be alone, and miserable than go down that path again.

So I dreamed about John last night. That we were sort of friends again. That's not realistic. But maybe, once we were legally divorced it would be easier to get along with each other. So the possibility is there.
Then this evening I filed a motion for publication. Soon it'll be in the papers, then a hearing, and then it'll all be over. I'll be free. I won't have to lie anymore. Or at least those are the rules I set for myself. I don't really have to lie at all. It's just a matter of getting over myself.

I'm letting go. I'm setting myself free. Free to fly. Fly with the rest of the loners. Fly high, till you can't fly anymore.


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prissy's Profile

  • Username: prissy
  • Gender / Age: Female, 46
  • Location: USA - Hawaii
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    PRISSY's Interests:

    About Me: At 30, my life so far has been all about discovering myself and forming my own personal identity. One that honors my heritage, my family and my dreams. These days it's all about equipping myself for a future in the clothing business, while investing time in a prospective family life. Sometimes it's a balancing act. But I have a feeling, this is just the preview. So strategically, if I get good at this, the future is a breeze... ;)

    Interests: Computer accounting systems, excel, Websites, Mortal Kombat, TombRaider, Burnout, Yoga, RollerBlading, American History, Just hanging out with good friends and family.

    Favorite Music: Norah Jones, Sarah Mclaughlin, Maroon 5, Classic Rock.

    Favorite Movies: Iron-Man, Kung Fu Panda.

    Favorite Television: America's Best Dance Crew.

    Favorite Books: Psychology, particularly male and female psyche, Suspense novels.