Prissy

Wow, I need help. I'm so out of it right now.

Steve's not here, and I feel lost and incomplete. It's getting insane.

It's going to hurt as hell when he's gone for longer.

I guess it will be interesting to figure it out and then put it out in front of others.

On top of everything the nausea from the b c pills aren't helping.

I started out great this morning. That's cause I could talk to him on the phone.

I guess once he's gone for long, there will be emails and phone calls. That should soothe things down a bit.

I just feel so out of it.

Today at work I was so down. Customers came and went and I just wasn't myself. Corrine was alright, I'm sure it affected her too.

Then at the end of the day her bf came over to ride their bikes together. Oh boy! That just made me feel worse.

I should really try to be happy for them and be happy that I have someone to think about.

So let's try that a bit...

Steve might not be here all the time. But I don't have to search him out of a club or a bar anymore. I already have him in my life.

Plus, now that I have all these personal projects ahead of me, he can be an object of inspiration and motivation.

I just feel old now that I'm not clubbing as much as before.

...Maybe it's not old, just calm. And I'm not used to it, that's all.

So I gotta learn the feel of this new ocean I've plunged into. And plunged I have, by myself, no one's forced me, it's of my own freewill and choice.

Well today is Monday, I've had Steve-overkill so right now it feels dull as hell and poorly as shit.

The good thing is I might get an email from him. The other good thing is I only gotta ride it out until the end of the work week (that's not even 7 days).

Plus, tomorrow and wednesday will fly by. It's entire 12 hour days.

Then once thursday comes I can see... Maybe go to the library and get some books on fractions and other stuff to read. I need to read. That's what I'll do, if I'm not at work I'll be a bookworm.

Maybe if I feel ok I'll go swimming on Thursday too!

Of course I'll call Summer and see what her and Tammy are upto. I think it will be good to hang out with them. I just gotta stay focused and not let the fun in friendship ruin my career.

Then there's Dean and his silliness. He's cool, I think we could be good friends. Plus he knows me a little more then most people, it could be a good friendship.

Steve.. I miss you. But I'm alright now. Just needed to get some stuff out of my system.

This relationship really works for my situation.

And I intend to enjoy it all the way.

We don't always get what we want. But if we're smart we can make what's been given to us work to our advantage and push us towards that goal of happiness.