Krysta's Life & Feelings:

 
    
10
Apr 2008
3:38 PM EDT
   

(Life) My Feelings (Part 1):

Subject: My Feelings (Part 1): Current Mood: � Disappointed������ Category: Life Time: 12:20 pm

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Ok For the people Who Really Know me, I Normally Dont Write or Talk About my Feelings so this is a big step For me & the Reason Why is Because I Have big Trust Issues Because of my Past! For Those Who Honestly Know me you Know that�I Just Keep all my Emotions inside Because I Dont Trust Many people or Trust people Enough to Talk to or�Tell them How I am Feeling Exactly. But this is where I am Going to Try, But I Know that it�is Not Going to be Easy For me to Write About my Feelings For the world to Read.
Most of my Live Ive Felt Depressed, Sad, Lonely, Helpless, Hopeless & Like the weight of the world Was on my shoulders. I Rarely Ever Felt Happy & When I Did Something Always Changed that to Were I Was Feeling Depressed Again. Now I Have someone in my Life Who Actually makes�me Feel Happy��& that For me is Scary Because that’s Not what I am Used to, But I Can Say that It Feels Good to be Happy!
This is where Things Get Really Hard on the people I Love & Care About & that ones that Actually Love & Care About me: I push people Away all the time. My Family, my Friends, Every one. I Hurt my Fam all the time by pushin them Away. But Ive Learned that If I push Every one Away I am Not Gonna Have Any one to Lean on When times Get to Hard & I Wanna Die. Ive Been There all my Life. You Dont Honestly Know How Many times Ive Wanted to Die. But Suicide is Not the Answer. Ive Been There all my Life With Everything that Has Happend to me & With the Things that Ive Done ( Just Ask my Mother ) & I Can Tell you this: Things do Get Better Its Gonna take time Because it Wont Happen Over Nite. I Can Also Say With all Honesty that�Lifes Not Easy:�I Can Tell you that ( You’re Not Going to hear the Lie that Life is Easy From me, I Just Cant Tell you a Lie Like that�), I Know what�I am Talking About Because Ive Been Through so Much in�my Life that No one person Should Ever Have to go Through in Their Lifetime.�I Know what�I am Talking About Because Ive Been Through so Much in�my Life that No one person Should Ever Have to go Through in Their Lifetime.�
As Most of the people Who Really Know me Ive Always Said that I Hate my Life, the world & Every one, But Really I Can Say in Honesty in Truth�that I Respect my�Life, the world ( Even Though this country is Going Downhill & I Dont see that Changing. Its Not that I Hate the world, I Just Hate what this world is comming to. ) & Its Not Like I Hate Every one Its Just that I Hate peoples actions. Talking About my Feelings Like this & then Reading It Gets me Emotional Because I Never Thought I Could Have Feelings Like this.
Ok, Wow! I Cant Believe I Wrote my Feelings For the world to see! Thats�So Not Like me! And Please�Dont Ask me Why I am Writing this For the whole world to see, Because I Really Dont Know. It Just�makes me Feel Better Though to Tell you all�that Ive Been There & Noramally am There. Not Many people Know me so Most people that Read this ( If they Even do ) Are Not Gonna Know How I Was Feeling At the time that I Wrote this, Nor will they Understand what the Hell Ive Been Through or am Going Through. I Just Hope that people will Understand what I Meant & what I Wrote.�Please�Understand that Things will Get Better that they do take time Because I Know that When�people Feel Like�this�they Didnt Think or take that Into Consideration.
I Always�Wonder what the Meaning of Life Really is. People Say that There is a Meaning to Life But I Still Havent Found out Just what the Hell it is ( Honestly I Dont Really Think that There is a Meaning to Life But to Teach us Things, Have a Family of Our Own, Have a Good job, Help Others, Get Sick & then Die ) But If I Ever do Find out or come across the Meaning of Life you all�will be the�2nd�to Know. But�Maybe we Are the Meaning of Life!
Well I Can Say this About Life: Life�is a Mindless Spinning-Whirlpool of Nothingness, Emotions, Hatered & Love. With all that Being Said Why do we Exist, If we Are Only to Die? Is Life so Worth Living that we go on Every Single day Doing Everything we Can to Get somewhere But we Most Likely will Never see & will Never Happen? What is True Happiness? We Continue on this Downward-Spiral of Depression, Sadness & Hopelessness Only to Find the True Meaning of what Life Really is to Eventually Die! All that Life Really is, is a Series of Events that lead up to a persons Death. So I Ask, "What is the Point of Living If you Are Only Going to Die Anyway?" Whether It’s Going to be three days From Now or sixty years down the road. It’s all Part of the Vicious-Cycle of Life. Isn’t that Great? We Live to Die & There Truely Isn’t Anything that Can be Done About It.
I Can Honestly Say that Life Isn’t Easy & Not Knowing what Our True Meaning/Purpose in Life is Can be Harder in Living Life Because we Just Think that Death is the Meaning & Purpose to Life. Then of Course we go Through Things Good & Bad in Our Life that Can Either Break us or make us, Hurt us or Help us, Love us or Hate us. Life Just Isn’t Easy, I Know Because I Have Been Through so Much in my Life that No one person Should Have to Deal With in Their Lifetime. SO WHAT IS LIFE REALLY? I Dont Think Any one Really Knows the Answer to this Question & If they do, they Are Obviously Keeping the Answer to Themselves or they Are Already Dead. Remember that Ive Been Through Alot in my Life so I do Know what im Talking About & Also Because of what Ive Been Through I will Understand. Honestly Life Can be Scary, It plays With your Emotions & your Mind.�
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1 comment(s) - 04:39 PM - 05/10/2008
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