lmm27295's Journal

Dec 2006
12:55 PM EDT

I don’t feel like I can even be around you or you be around me w/ fam, friends, etc. or even discuss things with you b/c no matter what it is, it is always thrown back in my face. When I was hanging out w/ Chandra a lot more it would be stuff dealing with Chandra and now that we are around my fam more, it is issues w/ my fam. It is a pattern. I don’t even want to tell you things that are going on half the time for the fact of how u might use it against me. Like for example, I have been thinking about going back to sch this fall but I didn’t want to tell you b/c if I was to decide not to go how you would treat me over it. I am tired of the money issue being thrown in my face, you were the one hell bent on buying a house when we did, I was fine staying in the apt a little longer and you knew my income situation when we bought the house, I discussed it with you more than once, and I also told you I did not want to buy the house if $ was going to be an issued and you reassured me we would be fine and look where we are at. I don’t hardly shop anymore at all and you still will find anyway you can for there to be some issue, ALWAYS. I need a new pair of shoes for work so bad, the ones that I mostly wear are like 7 yrs old and the other pair that I have, I have had several yrs and they kill my feet but I have not bought any for the fact of the $ and you b***hing about it and saying that I was spending you money. It hurts my feelings to no end that Tyler’s mom can say what ever she wants to, to you and you act like it is no big deal but I say something you don’t like and you go all to hell and treat me like royal crap and say anything you can to hurt my feelings. I don’t care about the excuse “well I don’t have to live w/ her.” It doesn’t make a damn, you should want things to be better w/ me b/c u r living w/ me. Also, she never worked when u 2 were together and u pd the bills but I work full time and sometimes part time and pay my 1/2 of our bills and all you do is give me grief about $???? And as far as the wedding, you have not contributed to the wedding. My parents are paying for my part as well as yours and have not once complained b/c they care about it that much. I cannot even get you to call your father about the tux. I have to tell him. This is important to me. This is my first time. But you act like it kills you to do the PL on ebay to help mom pay for the wedding. And I bring up that I have saved for the honeymoon and you just go ape s**t and bring the bills up again. Ok, I would much rather sit at my computer, in my home, clicking some buttons then have to drive an hr, after working all day, to work a part time job, and then drive an hr home, and get home at 10:30 and have to go straight to bed to get up and do it all over again. I am tired of the way things are. I am tired of them not changing for the better. I am not happy at all. I am tired of the fact that I cannot even get a hug from you w/o you grabbing all over me. I am just not happy anymore. The “I’m sorrys” are not working anymore. They are empty words. It would be different if when it was said things would get better. You say all the time the fighting needs to stop but what is actually being done to make things better. I am tired of blaming myself when it is not all my fault. I am always the one saying “I know I’m not perfect” or ”I know there are things I have got to work on” etc when you never come to me saying those things. You only try to find ways to blame instead of trying to change to make things better. I am not doing it anymore.

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lmm27295's Profile

Username: lmm27295

Gender / Age: Female, 43

Location: USA