lmm27295's Journal

Sep 2006
7:19 AM EDT

Well, here we go again.I am in trouble w/ B again. Most of the weekend was really good. We worked on the house all day Sat. He did the outside and I did the inside. C came and stayed w/ us some. Sat. night I gave B a ** and he seemed really happy and things seemed to be ok. Mon., yesterday, he went and played golf w/ my dad and the neighbor. When he got home he was tired and wanted to take a nap so we go in the bedroom and lay down. And it started "Let me f u in the ***, give me a **, let me see your ****s" I thought we were going to snuggle and spend time together but I should have known to not go in there and lay w/ him. Well, I guess it was time for my usually b***h out session b/c he started in on me. "I don't like you, You are not a real woman, You need to make up for all the **s you have not given me, I don't give a f*** about this house, U r lazy,etc...." I tried to stick up for myself but there was just no use. He just kept on and on. He even tried to kick me out of the bedroom. He tried everthing in the book to break me. And the times in the past when I have snapped are all my fault too. So I guess I am suppose to take this, I am not aloud to speak up, I am not aloud to break nor am I aloud to go and talk to a friend. I am suppose to keep this all inside. I have never in my life been talked to this way by another man. BJ would die if he could hear the things that B says to me. We did not speak the rest of the night last night. We have talked a lil this morn but I don't really have anything to say to him. He acts as if I am suppose to be ok. He has this "I don't care attitude" I cannot take this anymore, I am so sick of." I DONT WANT TO BE INTIMATE W/ A GUY WHO THINKS I OWE IT TO HIM! or a guy who shoves it down my throat every min of the day. I am so hurt and disguested w/ the way he acts. It is unbelieveable how a grown man acts. I cannot stand the way I have to live. I have to walk on glass everday. I cannot take it anymore. I want to run and scream so bad. And I HATE having to work like this. He could give a crap less. As long as he gets what he wants. He even went as low as saying "if u really love me, u would do it." That is some dumb line that 1. you would use in high sch or 2. you would hear on an after sch special about teens having sex. It just pisses me off to no end. Its not like he has been w/o for 6 months. It had only been 1.5 days since I did ..... Oh my god, if there was something wrong w/ me and I could not have ***, he would be cheating on me left and right. This also tells me that probably when we first meet and we were not sleeping together yet, he was prob f****** grls left and right and I believe that w/ all my heart. I am so sick of things all I have been doing lately is daydreaming about the way I wished my relationship would have turned out b/c this is what I never wanted for myself. You know what is sad, yesterday while he has playing golf I was downloading wedding songs and was so excited b/c I found some that I really like and look at what happens when he comes home.

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Username: lmm27295

Gender / Age: Female, 43

Location: USA