lmm27295's Journal

Aug 2006
7:04 AM EDT

I am so ill today. B & I fought last night as usual & went most of the evening not speaking. I am so tired of this same old cycle. It was over him thinking that I don't do enough around the house and us not ..... It was B's idea not to have.... anymore till June 23 and now the issue is that I am not giving him...... Before he always complained that we were not together enough and now that we are not (by his choice), he is mad b/c I am not doing the other. It is always something. I cannot take it anymore. I am not happy at all. Anytime I try to sit down nd talk w/ him he is rude, he gets mad, raises his voice and says mean things to hurt my feelings. I am so tired of feeling like s***. I am suppose to be happy right now about planning a wedding and I really could care less if we get married to him. He always says things about "I don't want to spend the rest of my life w/ you if......." Well, I feel the same d**n way. I don't want to spend the rest of my life w/ a man who only cares about 1 thing and cannot even sit down like a grown-up to have a discussion w/o throwing blankets off the bad or calling me a b***h. I asked him to say "I'm sorry" for the hurtful things that he said. His response: "Not until u say I'm sorry for not giving me a bj" How imature is that! I just want to get in us face and scream "GROW UP" It has gotten to the point that I don't even want to go home after work. When I go home in the evenings, it is no fun at all. I have to put up w/ hearing "Let me f**k in the a** and him grabbing me all evening long! I cannot even lay on the bed for 5 mins to rest w/o him bugging the hell out of me. I have no "ME" time what so ever. I am starting to miss Whall's hrs b/c at least then I had time to myself. I am glad that Barney is attracted to me. It makes me feel important but it is to the extreme. I am to the point now I could care less if I ever had s** again. He has pushed me so far away w/ that area but still blames me for it all. You don't go up to a woman and grad her ***** and say "let me f*** you". And heaven forbid I talk to anyone about our problems. I cannot even talk to the dog! I cannot keep bottling this up. He tells me to only talk to him but when I do I get treated like s**t. I should not have to be with someone that I don't even feel like I can communicate with. He does not understand that I work all day long and when I get home I want to enjoy the evening by relaxation, not by being his personal porn star.

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lmm27295's Profile

Username: lmm27295

Gender / Age: Female, 43

Location: USA