Im here im back home the day i never planned. I dreaded this day and now its finally here well i've been here for like 2 weeks now.� Were still getting settled in, not use to all this it's gonna take some time getting use to. Im so what's the word im looking for no not lazy (even though that is true) unorganized maybe who knows never ready thats for sure.� I can't stand it im always looking for something or i dont know but nothing ever seems to go smooth not w/me that is.
Frankie she's what it is that is giving me a headache but its gettiing better.� At first OMG! she was driving me nuts.� I couldnt' take it but she's better now learning how to be a normal child and occupy herself by herself even though she LOVES attention from anyone.� My poor baby sometimes i'm a bit mean to her but i can't help it the shit she does gets to me and i have no patients.�� My mom says we can see who's gonna be the blacksheep and other bullshit that gets to me.� But i try to just ignore it cause she dont know shit but ugh sometimes i can't.� Its nonsense and where does she get it from please now if she really believes it then she really gots issues bigger than i thought.
The girls they haven't been a problem besides there so freakin dirty it makes me sick but it's my fault because i am the mother but come on.� they dont pay attention worth nothing and they can't follow orders what's up with that.� They seem to go in the zone still that annoys me so much. there back in school so thats good.
i GOT to go to bed frankies got a doctors appt. in the mornig more shots i think.� I need to make me an appt. while im at it all kinds of shit wrong w/me but whats new.
well this is it, it's finally ending me being on my own that is.� After 6 years of living alone w/my children i'm going back home to my parents.� what a drag but for some reason im not as bummed about it as i would imagine. why???� no idea but maybe this is what i've needed so i can make that change i've been wanting.� Although i wish it didn't have to be this way but i guess its probably the only way anything would happen.� I got til the end of the month i already started packing some of my stuff. for being here that long i would think i'd have more stuff but i really dont have anything worth saving.� Oh well not like i'll be needing it anytime soon anyways.
Twin came by a while back and joey kept teasing that he was interested but i paid him no mind and never would of thought anything but he came over a little more and we've just been hangin out.� He's cool he switched up a bit but that what they all do so im already knowing.� but he hasnt been by in a few days and the more i wish he would come he doesnt of course.� I just want to hang with someone since this is gonna be like the last time for any of that.� Im gonna really be all alone then.� That's probably gonna suck the most just not having anyone around to talk to like how it is here.� But....
well� i got alot of things to figure out in my life just hope i start putting some actions to what it is i want cause its not just gonna happen on its own.� i need motivation thats it and i have none for anything i do.� i wonder why i dont know im not sad or anything just not into anything at least not the way i use to be.� sometimes i wonder myself i lost me some time ago i just wish i was more in touch w/myself like before.� i am to a certain point but those will never change i need to get back the little important ones im missing.
That was the fucking 3rd time that happened to me already.� i finally wrote something and spent a good amount of time into it and felt good to say things but when i tried to post it it didnt work for what reason who knows.� and now its lost and i cant remember word for word what i wrote and even if i did i dont want to do it again. im pissed why me.� i even copied it becasue i had a feeling it might happen again but i cant paste it.� man im really irrated now� shit can never just be as simple as it should when it comes to mme.� WHY?????? im not negitative about it so what the....
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