chanduliar's Journal

Dec 2006
5:18 PM CST

Yea ... I now it Carli ,then it was Chad, then before that it was michelle. I have never been your main concern. Oh school ... that was first which I accepted then but why you go if you don't want to wor? YOU could of been there. You break promises... you say one thing do another!! I hate broken words of promise. I understand what is done is done. with you school/working choices that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect us. Or that they still do. Yes I am bitter angry mad really a completely differnt person now. YOU and TOBEY did this to me. I have no trust in anyone. I not going to talk to anyone, and nobody is who they are. This is me and this is how I feel. The club has had it days on me also. Which you can't even fathem the shit I seen and been through. I don't get you when you say you want to talk to tobey in jail. That your tring to understand? Well IT kinda late why didn't you do tis when there was a chance to change and save or what ever..... back then!! I don't get it when you can know every thing bout your friends and your club yet haven't taken that same effort into us. It like you just throu your hands up in the air on us and gave up. I know you know people who did this and how is makes you feel, hmmmmm..... I wonder I I feel When evryone has done this to me and now it is starting with Carli, YOu know I was stuck in TAmpa Last weekend Cause this fuking Docter boyfriend I thought was going to be really good for us instead ended up being one of the most meanest...unrespectful .... thought he was going to fukin rape me in downtown tampa cause he was druck or whatever his excuse was ... I ws stuck ther mom with nobody to call in an airport that I had to talk the driver into taken me there for fre cause I have no wallet or ID. NOW YOU DEAL WITH THAT, YOU just don't get it mom. YOU will never get it. I know you try some days, but ther are also other days. I was at work listing to my bosses wife talk about taken care of herself for her family and all this stuff... This is coming from a very sweet lady that make a million dollors if she get out of bed or not. Then she said something that made me stop drawing.... NEVER EMOTIONALY TIE YOUR FUTURE TO SOMEONE ELSES LACK OF ACTIONS!!!. I a a ah'ha moment. That what I been doing this whole time. DUH... and now I am hurt ia m suffing in everyway. People take my AC unit, I was being nice. The love of my life destroyed my dream of anything normal family life. Family and friend you get close to screw you over the best or leave, w/o thought. I never even seen it coming. People just have used me to the point to wear I only live for carli and me. Some days that hard. Who would of thought I be like this. people see the change in me and wonder why? Well .... they don't really fuking care they just act like they do do they can talk at you or about you. Even you have said thing I remeber to the excat word and where that hurt. This kandice thing ya'll are such BFF What ta hell is that about? Where was my BFF invite. OH yea I never got one cause of being being worried about everyone else. You said I wish my girls were more like her. Well I can bet she would be her if she went throu thease wonderful sentive emotions we have. You know everything about her and her friend and you hang w/o judgment and to me is fuck up. She is very nice but you asked so deal with it. I remeber your face when you told me allllll about her and how ou were. Happy you had a friend. I saw that but... I never seen that in you cause of or michelle. I see it w/ carli. Hell It was hard enough to get you to even belive in me on anything I do or did or wanted to do. I do think you dont even see me anymore. I wonder why you even got a myspace pace if you weren't going to check the blogs or post? what ta point. Temerarly get focus then that not your focus anymore. Just everything I ever know and who and emotions and people and everything in this word to me currently is just smoke and mirriors. It hard to understand your self when that what you see. monkey see monkey do. I refuse to raise carli in that manner. Yea I have an extrem amount of anger and resinment and the depth of hurt is unbelivable you can even see the bottem it is so deep. but Hey now you got something to think about. Crystal Light ... Cause my boss said I am in a new industry and I have to change my name. Kinda funny I thought. ?Where is that light? I thought Then I thought oh yea it behind ta mirrior.

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Username: chanduliar

Gender / Age: Female, 45

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