bl69's Journal

 
    
29
Mar 2007
1:10 PM CDT
   

"But as sure as God made black and white What's done in the dark will be brought to the light." --Johnny Cash. I am going to tell my mom this..because SHE needs to know that i know she is on drugs. and not just any drugs..pretty much the worse u can get!!! uugh! But I won't. Because i have already tried confronting her and she told me that it was fucked up of me to even think that..EVEN THOUGH after frankie died she told me that i needed to make sure she stayed sober and if i even expected THE LITTLIST THING to let her know. and i did. but nooo i am just a fucked up person for even thinking that. psshh whatever woman..if u are going down the drain then sorry can't help ya..i try so hard but theres only so much u can do. one weekend she actually admitted to it and then didnt feel guilty about it because "she doesnt ever do it" so she says. but now its an every day habit. i walk in on her all the time. and i just pretend like i didnt say shit. uuugh the feeling sucks!!! i just want to escape. i got places to go so no worries. but its so hard. because the only harm she is doing for me is MONEY!! we have none of it!!!! and it sucks! we dont even have a phone anymore!!! and theres a 500 dollar check that comes in the mail each month for child support from my dad. and it just pisses me off because she doesnt give me shit. and i understand if she was paying the bills with it but her drug habit isnt a fuckin bill. i even gave her 20 bucks last week. to buy weed. which i dont mind..because i will just end up taking it. but still..she gets payed every tuesday and she is already broke! ITS ONLY THURSDAY! and she gets like a 400 dollar check every week. its only us 2 living at this house so the bills shouldnt be too bad. and the house is like 450 a month. i know she can manage and have money left over because we have done it. so she cant give me the bills excuse bullshit. she wants to leave the state. and is serious about it and maybe it could do better for her but i am not going. DEAD SERIOUS i will not go. so she said she will wait till i graduate but by then i am sure she will be all sorts of fucked off. and it sucks because whenever she isnt on drugs then she is just a piece of shit. nothing can make her happy besides the drugs. and frankie was her anti-drug. but now its nothing. nothing nothing nothing nothing. nothing is everything lately and whats worth nothing? nothing so i should just leave.
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bl69's Profile

  • Username: bl69
  • Gender / Age: Female, 33
  • Location: USA - Texas
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    BL69's Interests:

    Favorite Movies: my favorite movie is anchorman for sho. then 40 year old virgin..i need to see taledega nights though!!

    Favorite Television: i like flavor of love..south park..but i really love music videos!

    Favorite Books: hah! thats funny! books?!?