auxilary25's Journal

Aug 2010
5:18 PM EDT

Just Friends??? Seriously...Does that exist??

So we've been talking for 3 weeks now...we hang out once a weekend so that he can spend time with the baby and we text all day everyday. We've chosen to be "just friends" because we aren't sure whether we can get along. We know we LOVE each other but getting along is a different story. After we split our families were torn apart and now he doesn't want to talk to my family and vice versa.

He says he wants to see what happens and take things slow..Fine...but then he's texting me "I Love u," "I miss you" and gets mad if I don't say it back...he says I'm dramatic that just because we aren't a couple doesnt mean we can't say those things if that's how we feel. We wants to hold my hands sometimes when we go out and he'll give me a pop kiss...we made out one time but I had to stop it because I thought we were just trying to be coparents??? We weren't supposed to be more than friends?? Now he's kissing me??

He gets jealous when I get online...he still has my pics up on his myspace account. It's a very confusing process for me..I've tried hard to separate myself because I can't just be his friend while talking to him constanty. I wanted to marry this guy for crying out loud! With time I'm sure I'll adjust...he tells me "don't u see how sweet I am to u and how much I love you?"....He hates the idea of me talking to other guys or dating and has made it clear he has no intention of doing so now. If it happens along the way then it happens...

I don't get it...how can we be friends but say these things to each other??? He walks me to my car after work and calls me several times to check up on me...text me gnite & gmorning..skype @ night....it's hard because I feel that we are starting a relationship yet we aren't?? When we hang out it's for like 10 hours...I get home @ 2 am...He's made it clear we can't have sex @ all because he doesn't want to get more emotionally attached to me...

Can we seriously just be friends??? What is this? It's so hard because I was dying before without hm...I was full of hate. Now I'm happy when he calls I love how he's treating me yet I'm petrified because I know what he's like...I know how he acts when he loses his temper and I wish he'd go back to therapy...I'm hoping that if we keep being friends I can slowly convince him....He keeps looking @ himself in the mirror everywhere we go so I know that he hasn't changed. I see it...I know deep down he's the same guy who cared only of himself. He's bought only 1 pack of pampers in 3 weeks...2 dreses...4 pairs of sock...1 pair of sandals....big improvement so thank u God. I just can't wait till he starts contributing to half her expenses...half her food..milk..diapers...wipes...the basic at least. I've seen him with new clothes and shoes and that bothers me cuz it's like damn u tell everyone how much u love ur daughter yet u don't bust ur ass to provide for her. u have over 40 shirts for work..y buy yet ANOTHER ONE when ur daughter keeps growing and needs clothes that fits???

I'm trying to let this go but it stays in the back of my mind like a wall....I won't open the door to any relationship with him until he gets help, provides for our daughter...and truly starts supporting himself. I want him to get a career go back to school or something so he can earn more $$ I'm going to graduate soon and I don't want to be with a man that'll live off of me because he doesn't try hard enough...it's fine if I make more than him but he's got a good income to support our home too..I don't want to support his luxuries..I wil give our daughter and my mom my $$ he can spend his own...

W/e We'll see what happens...I just hope he's not using me to soften up the custody battle..

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2 comment(s) - 11:34 PM - 08/24/2010

auxilary25's Profile

Username: auxilary25

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA - California

AUXILARY25's Interests:

About Me: I'm 21 years old and I'm a university student majoring in accounting. I'm in a relationship right now where I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I truly have no doubt in my heart that this is the man that I want to marry because he completes me in every way. My only problem in this relationship has always been my bfs past. My mind is always going back to his past and comparing the love he felt for them to the one he feels for him. My insecurity has led me to believe that I'm not his 1st choice that he's with me because his "love" left him behind...it was 5 years ago but still the thoughts are there..hopefully through journaling I can get this feeling out of my heart so that our relationship can get stronger.

Interests: I love reading whenever I actually have the time. One of my fav authors is Jodi Picoult. I'm a big Harry Potter fan but unfortunately I haven't gotten around to finishing the last book eventhough I started a year ago.. I love my nintendo Wii and I can't wait for more games to come out. I love to work out 4 times a week because it helps me release my stress and feel good about myself.

Favorite Music: Ashlee Simpson, My Chemical Romance, Jessica Simpson, Daughtry, All American Rejects, Simple Plan, Plan White Ts...and the list goes on

Favorite Movies: Sweet Home Alabama, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Grease, Crazy Beautiful, Beaches, What Dreams May Come, Dirty Dancing, Man on Fire, and Trison and Isolde.

Favorite Television: Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, and FRIENDS!! Everybody Loves Raymond, I Love Lucy, King of Queens, My Wife and Kids.

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