auxilary25's Journal

Jul 2007
9:48 PM EDT

14!!!!
I am utter shock! I spent 14 hours straight studying for my tax exam!! My bf and I have practically moved in to the university library...we take lunch, dinner, and snacks so that we don't have to move from the perfect table we get to reserve @ the library when we go early...last night my head almost exploded when it was time to sleep I've been overstressing this exam and I don't know what to do. My prof showed us a preview of exam questions and needless to say this is the WORST exam I'm ever going to take. When we were reviewing the questions my PROF even had doubts as to which of the answer choices could be correct....if he works for the IRS and he doesn't even know which could be correct how can I???
In a normal 6-week summer course profs cut the amount of material they are covering so that the students can actually UNDERSTAND what is being discussed in class...my TAX prof feels that accounting majors should toughen it out and study our asses off...well each chapter is like 30 pages or more and the font size is 10! No pictures...no charts...nothing but pure tax....I'm supposed to read 6 chapters....which 6 chapters x 30 pages is 180 pages of size 10 font and actually know EVERYTHING by Tuesday.
Today I got a break from it all because I had a panic attack when we (my bf & I) arrived @ school. I started getting dizzy..couldn't breathe...my heart was racing and when I turned pale my bf refused to let me stay studying & brought us back home to enjoy the rest of our 5 month anniversary...
I'm so nervous....nervous for me and nervous for him..he needs the A in this class to get his GPA up so that he can get money for school...he's already decided that he's turning to his dad for money when next semester starts since his mom hasn't spoken to him for ONE ENTIRE WEEK ALREADY! This morning when I went to pick my BF up his dad came outside to my car, gave me a kiss, and told me how much he misses me. My bf says that the only person in that family that thinks I'm good for him is his father & since his father has had faith in me at the end of the semester he's going to show him his grades before we were dating and his grades now. That way someone will literally be able to see the changes he is making with me.
It's been really hard for him this week because he was so close to his mom, they used to talk about everything. Now when he comes home she doesn't look up to see him and when she's in the room upstairs she closes the door (when she used to leave it open for him or his brother to talk to her). But he says that he isn't going to apologize or make the gesture to fix this fight because for once he's happy with a girl and has brought her to be a part of his family and instead of being happy for him and embracing it they condone him.
I think there are a lot more comments that were made in regards to our relationship but he doesn't really want to tell me. Today he added that they think I'm in the relationship for the money the family has. She's a millionare (which I didn;'t know until today)...and since I take care of my appearance and always have expensive purses plus an AMerican Express credit card she assumes that the reason I'm dating her son is because he told me how much she's worth and I want a piece of the pie....I want HER money...yet I'm giving my bf money to pay for school that she refuses to pay....I'm eating home made sandwiches and spending on a budget so that I can help her son have some food everyday since she doesn't even give him a FREAKING DOLLAR and she has the nerve to say I'm a golddiger??
He cries everynight because he feels bad that he's put me in this situation..where he's depending on me so much..but he's promised me that he's going to bust his ass so that one day when we have kids (12 yrs from now..yes when I'm 35) I'll be able to stay home and enjoy them...My eyes got teary today because it was our 5 month anniversary and I know he doesn't have ANY money...not even a dollar and he went to one of my neighbors gardens and picked me some flowers so that he could at least give me something. I thought that the gesture was SOOO sweet because those flowers meant everything to him. I prefer those flowers picked with love over any card or gift that he could've just charged up on a card and bought without a meaning. ...and that's something I hope one day his mom will see...not for me but for him...because I know she means the world to him and he's waiting for her to come back to him...but if she doesn't stop condoning this relationship he'll never be able to forgive her...The good this is that we went by the church today after school and prayed for a bit. My bf is a big beliver and devote of the virgin...I saw him cry a bit while we were there and I'm glad because the visit was good for his soul..he was able to release some of the pain he's been holding inside..and I plan on making that a weekly activity...everyone needs prayer....it reminds you of all the good there is in this life

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auxilary25's Profile

Username: auxilary25

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA - California

AUXILARY25's Interests:

About Me: I'm 21 years old and I'm a university student majoring in accounting. I'm in a relationship right now where I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I truly have no doubt in my heart that this is the man that I want to marry because he completes me in every way. My only problem in this relationship has always been my bfs past. My mind is always going back to his past and comparing the love he felt for them to the one he feels for him. My insecurity has led me to believe that I'm not his 1st choice that he's with me because his "love" left him behind...it was 5 years ago but still the thoughts are there..hopefully through journaling I can get this feeling out of my heart so that our relationship can get stronger.

Interests: I love reading whenever I actually have the time. One of my fav authors is Jodi Picoult. I'm a big Harry Potter fan but unfortunately I haven't gotten around to finishing the last book eventhough I started a year ago.. I love my nintendo Wii and I can't wait for more games to come out. I love to work out 4 times a week because it helps me release my stress and feel good about myself.

Favorite Music: Ashlee Simpson, My Chemical Romance, Jessica Simpson, Daughtry, All American Rejects, Simple Plan, Plan White Ts...and the list goes on

Favorite Movies: Sweet Home Alabama, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Grease, Crazy Beautiful, Beaches, What Dreams May Come, Dirty Dancing, Man on Fire, and Trison and Isolde.

Favorite Television: Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, and FRIENDS!! Everybody Loves Raymond, I Love Lucy, King of Queens, My Wife and Kids.

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