angelofbliss's Journal

Is It Right To Deny The Feelings Of Pure Joy And Love?

How do you tell someone that you are in love with them? How do you also tell them that you lied and that you are ten years younger than what you said? How do you fall out of love?

I am only a fourteen year old girl in love with a man ten years my senior. He wants honesty and I can't tell him this, can I? Life has always been cruel to me and when it becomes normal and I am actually respected than it ups and does this. How do you tell him, especially since your "son" just passed away. Even though he really wasn't mine, I loved him and so do I this man. Yet, I shall never be accepted.

Really, I lied about mostly everything in my life. But being in school. I have no biological son but he was mine the day I found him on my doorstep. I have had sex, forced but the guy who raped me didn't break my hyman. I am just a messed up teenage girl who is in love with a man older than her.

What more can be wrong?

Who would ever think that life would be the one to throw and toss you about like a long lost stuff animal? That life would, even when it was going great, throw a ball at you that would knock you off your feet. It seemed impossible.

Yet, that is what happened. It is what happened when I was molested at a young age and then almost raped before school. This is what happened when I was deinosed with being bi-polar and metally, emotionally, and psycologically insane. It seems impossible for a fourteen year old to go through this and still survive.

Yet, this is my story and my life that I have survived. This is my tale of woe and terror that I live with and still echo. I wish, if anything, to be born again without this itch to kill.

But, through this all, I have had friends that stand, still, beside me and have helped me. If anything, I would be surprised if the still would like me for the lies I have told them.

Lesson One: Tell the truth before you find the harshness of reality has slammed into your face.