SterlynSilverRose's Journal

Oct 2006
10:46 PM EDT

What did I do today? I actually sat down and did absoultely jack squat. I laid in bed and watched about 15 episodes of slayers. I finished the first part of the series and stuff ...Yeah fun right? Hell it got my room mate and suite mates to leave me alone. Also I watched the ending episode to Ouran High Host Club. 26 episodes and this one was the most action packed. I ate it up like most girls my age would though...It was a sad ep but happy at the same time. Tamaki came back to everyone and the host club will still be there. Not only that but, apparently Kyouya's dad and Tamaki's dad both want Haruhi to marry their sons. That impressed me. Maybe the fact that it impressed me is because although I might not be as cute as Haruhi I have some of her personality. But, of course since that ended I had to find something else to watch right? Well, I have decided that I am going to be very patient and wait till like Wednesday or Thursday for D.Gray-Man and Death Note Episodes to come out. I can't wait since I have been reading D. Gray-Man. Oni-con is Oct 20th so this is 18 days and counting. I am looking forward to it and I think that it's going to be a whole lot of fun. I just want to have some fun and see my friends since things at my recent college are not going to well in the friend department. I already feel myself distancing quite a far way away from everyone here. Not that it matters or people notice much. I DID come to study. I didn't come to make friends after all. It kinda sucks but, I am getting my gamer hands back and slowly I am able to feel my spirits lifted due to manga, anime and games. Yeah, I know that it's pathetic that I cling to those things, but that is really what defines me as who I am. I guess you could say that it makes we really happy to where I don't need to bank on the companion ship of others to give me that. Why rely on people when they can't even be there for you on the most important or mundane occasions? I would much rather just know that I am working for myself and to better myself as a whole. But, in the interaction department I guess I will just never get any better. Oh well, not a big deal right? Right. That is what I will tell myself. Even though I do want a boyfriend sometime I don't need one now. A wise man once told me not to look for anything lasting in college because guys just want the girls that will 'put out' and I think he hit the nail on the head. Welp enough for my random thoughts. I'm going to log onto Pirch and see if Vulspeth is on. He owes me rp.

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Sep 2006
7:41 PM EDT

I'm tired. This is stupid but, this is probably the only thing that will listen without complaining to me and hurting me. My humor on this matter is that watch it crash or not be there tommorrow. I was reccomended to a therapist and I haven't gone yet. But, you know something..I'm not the person that needs a psycotherapist. Why talk to someone that can slam you later for it? You must wonder how I deal with my shit right? I thought I could count on friends but, I have decided that it's a dead end no go. Too many times has it hurt me...So thus my human interaction is totally in shambles. Tony, all the work you did to make me act human again. To realize that I was okay...It's been ripped to pieces. I won't ever let you or anyone get that close again. I've decided that if I want to be alone for the rest of my life. Then by God I am going to do it. Why the fuck should I exert myself...? Why in the hell should I give a damn when no one thinks about me. I know it's selfish but, for once I want someone to be there for me. That's laughable though...So shit, leave me the fuck alone if you just wanna be my friend and you think that it's going to be good if I talk to people about my problems. No more. No one will hear about it anymore. When people ask what is up I will wear a mask and go numb. It's kinda like Pagliacci ...except that I am not a murderous clown. But, he was right...you can take a mask and smile and hide behind it while you cry. That is what I will do from now on. This is on humanities head...Fuck humanity...Fuck social order. Most of all fuck those that think that I am acting out a little over the top.

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SterlynSilverRose's Profile

Username: SterlynSilverRose

Gender / Age: Female, 36

Location: USA - Texas

STERLYNSILVERROSE's Interests:

About Me: I'm an angsty teen. Haha well I am an adult at the age of 18 and I forget that sometimes. I live in Kerrville Texas on Schriener University campus. I'm an English/Music major...Leaning towards my English at the moment so I can write.

Interests: Violin Viola Internet Gaming (Rpg games mostly) Writing Drawing (learning) Japanese Speaking and writing

Favorite Music: Anything is good as long as it isn't heavy gospal music.

Favorite Movies: Battle Royal and Fudoh...Yes, I am a foreign film buff ...especially Japanese foreign films.

Favorite Television: Nothing really. I don't watch television.

Favorite Books: Manga...Over 96 in my collection. Haha so I am doing quite well with it. Also I like any type of dark series I can find.