Smilez's Journal

 
    
22
Feb 2007
7:23 PM EST
   

I walk in numbness and replay each conversation back in my head over and over again... Is this grieving pain? Yeah it is. I hear a certain song and it cuts me, tears roll down my face as I try not to let my sorrow show.

If someone ask me whats wrong.. my eyes wells up with tears as my lips tremble. I cant speak without crying.

Why all this crying? I have to ask myself.

I dont know how to deal with one having their heart ripped out of them. I know that sounds harsh but thats how it feels at times.

I feel unwelcome now dialing his phone number... The waiting if he will pick up or will it go directly to voice mailor is ither on the other line. Will he be short and distance with me now? I dont know.. I dont know how to feel right now. I just have to take one day at a time as it comes. Come what may.. I just pray God will give me the strength as I endure it.

So many noticed my blank stare tonight, the mexican guys were trying to cheer me up. But nothing worked.

Im left feeling empty right now...I promised him time,and thats his right. I dont know what his time frame is.. I dont know if he is trying to forget all about me. I seem to have drove him over the edge last night. No matter what I was saying.. he was calling me by my first name.

Why cant I just get mad at this guy and get it over with? Why does he have such a strong connection over me?

Can I just be his friend right now? I think I can... Cant dwell on it now.

Sleep is falling very heavy on me... I dont want to cuddle up to an empty pillow. I just want to take something so strong to knock me out so I dont keep waking up to see if he calls me or not.

Ugh its going to be a long night.. I know I'll get through it somehow.

The world dont stop for someones broken heart!
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Smilez's Profile

  • Username: Smilez
  • Gender / Age: Female, 57
  • Location: USA - Ohio
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    SMILEZ's Interests:

    About Me: Im a single tall attractive mother of three girls.

    Interests: right now my interest would be TIME.. I feel like Im always on the rush! My job is a full time and then theres the job of being a full time mom,house keeper and etc...

    Favorite Music: Im into the lite rock radio stations. Im drawn to this type of music because my work plays it all day long. I also listen to K-Love when Im in the car. This radio station keeps my spirits up, and keeps me on the right direction for life.

    Favorite Movies: I like alot of action pack movies... But my all time favorite movie is The Titanic.

    Favorite Television: Two words can sum this up.... LIFETIME.... I love Reba, Still Standing, and lets not forget the old reruns of the Golden Girls.

    Favorite Books: Who has time to read...? I guess you could say the bible... but I like reading non fictional books about spiritual warfare. Some romance... but right now with my current status I cant read those types of books anymore.