Trissy

I'm a 14 year old girl with the mind of an old woman!� I just need a place to express my feelings when nobody wants to listen to me.
�For the past couple of weeks I have been in deep thought about serious stuff. My future, my self image, and my thought process. I have come to realize that, like everyone else, I am afraid of my future. I faulter at the face of the unknown.
�Questions rack my brain, and leak inside every gap of thought inside of my head. Will I have my own family. Will I be loved? What will I look like? Who all will still be in my life? If only I knew the ending result to my destiny... Well not really the ending result which would obviously be death but more like... Where my life is headed.
�I also feel very misunderstood. Again, I am a 14 year old GIRL! I should be worried about the latest styles and boys and friends and stuff. But no, I'm worried about my future. I don't care about making friends, I don't have many anyway. I think it's because most people my age are so immature. Most everyone at the school I attend are very loud and obnoxious. I'm quiet. I'm very shy, and I have a very low self esteem. Yes, I have had major crushes on boys, but they all end up the same way. I'm too shy to talk to them. And I'm too self counscious! I always think that I will never be liked by any boy because I'm just an unlikable freak.�
�Desperate to find answers, one day I asked someone if I was ugly. They said no, but I don't really get called ugly a lot. In fact, many people have always called me pretty. I remember people would stop my mom to express how beautiful her children are. But I think it's all lies. Nobody wants to look like a jerk telling the truth about an ugly persons looks. Heck, they would even lie to a baby. My mom told me that there was this guy friend of hers that saw me when I was a baby and he said he was going to wait for me to grow older and he would marry me. I cried when my mom told me this, but I never have, and still don't believe it's true.
�Another thing. People think I'm stupid! I'm not stupid. I may not be confident about the way I look, but I am VERY confident in my smarts, and I know that I am VERY smart. I may have average academic grades but I have a lot of COMMON SENSE.�Sure I'm ignorant when it comes to being popular or talking out of turn and whatever else most people my age do, but I�DO know how to�confuse�people older than me. I do know how to make older people think I'm something special. Because I'm a deep person.�
�Well... Writing all of this has really helped�lighten my mood and I might do it again sometime... :)