Rosie's Journal

Aug 2016
3:04 PM GMT

New beginnings?

So, I've decided to start documenting on here. I though it might help me deal with situations in the future if I can look back and read how I've reacted in the past. Maybe get to know a little more about myself. Here goes......
Charlie and I have been together for a year and a half. We have just returned from what was suppose to be a romantic get away to Mexico. I don't know what changed but as I sat there across from him one night at dinner we chatted about the future ( Charlie was moving house when we got home). He began to add me into his future plans, as he's done so many times before. Although this time was different I suddenly looked and thought is this what ,I want? Is this the way my life is going to be? �From then I've been back and forth in my head of what I want. Made lists pros,cons. Charlie's a great guy we don't argue much, he treats me well everything you want in a man but I just don't know if he's the one. I'd never though about it much before but I'm starting to think there is such a thing!�
I've raised the subject with him. I can't believe I'm hurting him like this, he thought everything was fine, I did too! I just can't shake the feeling that I'm unsure. More so now more than ever. �When I got back a few weeks ago I needed to catch up with my friends. We arranged a well needed night out! Obviously I told them everything about how I was feeling regarding the situation.�
Can I put in here that I'm never really one to want attention obviously it can be flattering but in all the time I've been with Charlie I'd never cheat god I will bearly even speak to another guy! �Anyway me and my friends Nicola and Katie had a fab girls night out we went to the club we always go to, stood in the same spot we always stand in and we danced! You know that way you feel somebody staring at you? You feel their eyes on you? As I was dancing I felt this, as I turned I noticed the eyes on me, it was the dj.�
He kept staring at me, I kept staring back I started to take in how attractive he actually was tall, dark hair, tanned and a very cheeky grin. What was I thinking? I'm still with Charlie!
Was I flirting? Was I that out of touch that I didn't know what flirting was? No I knew, but why was I doing it? Fast forward to later in the night, I felt someone tap me in the shoulder... Him.Butterflies I've not had that feeling in a long time.�
'Why hadn't I went to say hi to him early?' He joked with me, I joked with him! I wanted him to like me, find me attractive. What was I doing!? He then asked the question do I have a boyfriend. the first time ever in my life I didn't know what to answer. A thought came into my mind do I lie and say no?�
I couldn't believe it I was contemplating this. This isn't me. I told him I did, and we pretty much parted ways there with him saying if I was ever single let him know.�
Now i never think of myself as being that nieve. I know he's a dj, I know that he probably says that to tons of girls he's likes the look of. He could probably click his fingers and someone in that place would go running. What I didn't understand though is why I was interested. Since then I have have been thinking even more that what I have with Charlie isn't really what I want right now. The fact that I'm even thinking of other guys like that might be the sign that I needed?�

Add comment

Aug 2016
4:00 PM GMT

New beginnings cont......

So over the last couple of weeks I have been twoing and throwing of what to do. I think I knew deep down what I had to do, but just didn't want to hurt Charlie. He is one of the good guys. So we sat down and decided we would end it. We wouldn't shut each other out either as we both deeply care for one another. That clich� I love you but not in love with you. It really does happen :(�
So that was about a week and a half ago. How am I feeling? Mixed I'm sad that it couldn't work. I generally think if it was later in life it might have. I'm also happy, I'm excited to see what's going to happen in the future! im not in any rush.�
On that note my friends went out at the weekend, we stood in our spot and we danced. Ben the dj was there again. Still staring, still grinning and still giving me butterflies. That excitement feeling of being single, I hadn't had that in ages, I was actually enjoying his attention without the worry of hurting someone else or cheating.�
Nicola and Katie have been great. Constantly listening to me. I suppose that's another reason I started writing on here too. I feel like I'm bombarding them sometimes and I don't want to annoy them. I've been in that situation before your there for your friend but �you sorta want them to shut up sometimes. Anyway they have been fab. Katie decided I needed to pull someone to say that I am totally single! I've haven't had a disco winch in years! I didn't know it's something that people still done! But you know what I thought it made sort of sence a bit of girls fun! �Ÿ˜�
I felt felt awkward though I'm not one to start chatting up folk. I don't know where I plucked the courage from( maybe the shots and vodka had a bit to do with it). So in the club there is 2djs together, they switch about every few hours. Ben was standing there in the dj box while his friend was on decks. Katie egging me on 'go say hi' and that what I did�Ÿ™ˆ I walked up next to him. I was so nervous good nervous though. We chatted, I couldn't even tell you what we talked about! I did tell him I had something important to tell him... Jokingly he said 'your single?' �That was it I was single. Was I turning into one of the girls who he could just click his fingers and go running? It's not the same if it's just for fun is it? We have switched numbers and have been texting for the last few days.�
That excited feeling when you open a text or wait for a reply, or wait to reply because your trying to play cool? I've not had that in so long and I'm enjoying it.�
Apart of me feels bad, am I moving on to quickly? Nicola and Katie have been saying no, as I have been with Charlie but knew it was over but also what's the harm in a bit of attention. I'm going to go with them on that one. Although if I bump into Charlie I think I'll keep it quiet for the time being I don't want to hurt him more than I have too.�

Add comment

Rosie's Profile

Username: Rosie

Gender / Age: Female, 34

Location: United Kingdom