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Apr 2012
8:53 AM

Josias' Diet

On 4/29/12 Josias was sitting eating rice, beans and chicken. Josias stopped midway through his meal and threw up. Earlier he had had homemade pizza and drank one cup of water, one cup of white grape juice (gerber) and two cups of 1/2 juice 1/2 water. It was tap water. We went walking 4 hours after lunch and then went home. He had dinner about 2 hours after that.

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Apr 2012
8:53 AM

Josias' Diet

On 4/29/12 Josias was sitting eating rice, beans and chicken. Josias stopped midway through his meal and threw up. Earlier he had had homemade p

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Jul 2011
10:01 PM

Somy mother in law came to see Josias after about a year of not having seen him. She brought Kiro with her. He's so big now...and handsome. I missed him. I don't know if its that he was shy but he seemed different, a little distant. My MIL tells me he has an imaginary friend....cute.

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May 2011
11:16 AM CST

Good Day

Today was a good day. Hubs and I (along with chunk and Rianna) spent the entire day together and everything was pleasant. Only one misunderstanding but recovered quickly and nicely. On the road to fixing.....? Maybe. Time shall tell.

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May 2011
2:23 PM CST

This suck!!!

So Saturday is the day I'm supposed to test to see if I'm pregnant. I have been stressed lately so I have been looking forward to testing and possibly getting a positive result. However, I went to use the bathroom this morning and there was a little blood. It was a very small amount but enough that I was completely bummed. However, I just used the bathroom again (it's 3:22pm) and there was no blood. This morning it was a little but it was bright red, and now nothing. Now I'm confused.

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May 2011
11:48 AM

Confused emotions!

Soon I will be able to ttc again. I hope that it takes and sticks this time. You know, having this ordeal last 10 weeks was tough. But what has been suprisingly hard is now that it's over, the feelings that I keep having. I felt guilty because I was relieved that this long-drawn-out ordeal was finally over with. What kind of mother am I that I am relieved that the pregnancy is over? Then I felt guilty the first time someone asked me about the pregnancy and I answered without feeling that sharp pain in my chest. How can I not still feel pain over the loss of my child? What is wrong with me? And now to feel guilty for wanting to try again. For being excited about it. For giving myself the chance to love another child. This I will say, I will NEVER forget the child I lost. NEVER!!!

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Apr 2011
8:24 AM

It's not FAIR!!!

I think it's finally over. I feel horrible that there is a sense of relief. I should be feeling heartbreak not relief. The first D&C not going correctly has robbed me from having the feelings I should have had about the loss of this pregnancy. I swear after the second D&C that the chunks that were coming out was my baby. Everyone kept saying no, that it was just blood clots (mind you it wasn't even red) but then I got a call from my doc telling me that they tested what they sucked out at the D&C and it was fetal tissue. I knew it!!!! I wanted to keep it and bury it but I felt silly and stupid after everyone said it wasn't possible. Now I have lost that opportunity as well. So nothing to bury to give me closure and no feeling of mourning because the whole situation was so horrible and drawn out. It's just not fair.

Tags: miscarriage, mourning, sadness

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1 comment(s) - 03:22 AM - 05/04/2011

Apr 2011
11:08 AM

UGH!!!!!

And so it continues. I have to have a second D&C, which will happen on the 14th. That makes this a 9 week ordeal from the moment I found out I was going to miscarry up to now. I have had 1 D&C and twice I have taken the miso. I mean really, how many times will we have to try to get rid of what was lost?! I want to move on!!!!!

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Apr 2011
8:32 AM

The neverending saga

i had an u/s yesterday which showed that i still had some stuff left. when will it end?

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Apr 2011
10:45 PM

Well, I had a f/u appt and doc said I had some blood clots so they gave me the mizo to taki go for an u/s to make sure everything is clear. On Friday I had a f/u appt and I got the green light to try again. So hopefully soon I will have conceived baby number 3. and help get rid of what was left. That was last Thursday. I bled for a week and now it has finally subsided. I have minimal spotting today and tomorrow u

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Mar 2011
8:48 AM CST

When will it end?

I'm totally bummed. I thought that yesterday evening I had finally gotten my period. But I was deceived. This morning I woke up and it was back to the brown minimal spotting. I want to get my period already! I want to be able to try again! Why can't this spotting just stop and I get my real period already?!
I had the D&C over four weeks ago on Feb 15. It should have stopped by now. It was on Feb 7th that I found out the baby had stopped growing. ENOUGH WITH THE SADNESS!!!!! I want to move on already. Until I can move on I feel like I have something hanging over my head. I don't want to�perseverate on the loss. I want something to look forward to!!!!

Tags: Miscairrage, Sad, TMI

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Mar 2011
12:35 PM

inboxjournal virgin

so i just set up the account. excited to have found this site. cant wait to start posting about my life. well, back to work for now.

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Racquelc6's Profile

Username: Racquelc6

Gender / Age: Female, 46

Location: USA - New York

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RACQUELC6's Interests:

About Me: I am 32 years old. Wife of a loving husband who has overcome many personal obstacles and has grown into such a great person. Mother of a beautiful, loving, energetic and bright little boy, my prince and love of my life. Mourner of a second child that was not to be. Hopeful mother of a third child.

Interests: Reading, Soduko, puzzles (any type), walks with my loved ones, trying out new things.

Favorite Music: Salsa & bachata. I can listen to it all day long.

Favorite Movies: Anything with Denzel Washington or Mel Gibson. I also like watching movies that have Vin Diesel or The Rock but only because they are in it, not because I actually love the movie.

Favorite Television: Law & Order: SVU, NCIS, The Nanny, Ugly Betty, Friends, Criminal Minds

Favorite Books: A Child Called It, Black Girl Lost