Miss1's Journal

 
    
30
Oct 2006
6:06 AM EDT
   

That is my biggest problem. I most definitely seek the acceptance of others before the acceptance of myself. i'm not sure why my confidence is so low. And it's hard because I see my insecurities passing over to my little girl. She sees me like this and I suppose she thinks that is the way she should be. I hate myself for that. So everyday I'll tell Chandlyr how beautiful and smart she is and I tell her that she's able to do anything that she puts her head into doing. I don't want her fears and insecurities to hold her back like they have me. She IS going to be and have anything she wants! I took her to see Monsters Inc. on ice on Saturday night. we had such a great time together. It was a mother/daughter night out and it was great!!! Anyways, Josh has been really helpful in boosting my self- confidence lately. He took me shopping last week and I got my hair cut into a cute style. And next week is my birthday so he's taking me to get highlights in my hair. He's trying so hard and I still keep pushing him away. i haven't even let him know that in truth---he has helped me so much these last couple of weeks but for some reason, I wo'nt let him know. And I treat him like shit!! It's like I won't let us be happy. I want their to be so much drama and I don't know why. I'm sick! I have a fucking sick and twisted head. I desperately need help. Maybe it's depression, not sure. But I tried to call the doctor for help the other day and they said they'd call me back with an appointment and they never did. How unprofessional is that? So now, I've lost the confidence to call them back. Truthfully, my life on the outside is not so bad. I have a great family, a nice house and a good job. We aren't struggling financially like we used to but inside of my soul I feel like I'm torn. How do I get it right again? Anyways, I have been blessed, now i need to learn to be grateful and not so selfish. This journal has helped. Well, I'm out for now---thanks for listening to me bitch once again!! Until then...
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Miss1's Profile

  • Username: Miss1
  • Gender / Age: Female, 45
  • Location: USA - Kentucky
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    MISS1's Interests:

    About Me: Hello world!!!! I am 26 yrs old. I am 5"7 and weigh around 140 with dark hair and green eyes. I love music and I love to read. I am a mother of a 6 year old babygirl.I am now learning to love life again. Or, should I say for the very first time and it is a task!!! But one well worth it. Thanks for listening.

    Interests: some of my interests...let's see... I love baseball and I love to read. I am very passionate about music.

    Favorite Music: Since music is one of my passions I enjoy a little of all music but I prefer hip hop or hardcore music. I truly like when they mix those together. Like Korn, Rage...things like that. Also love '80's music!

    Favorite Movies: Goodfellas, Scarface and Menace II Society

    Favorite Television: Grey's Anatomy and My Name IS Earl...also Flavor of love

    Favorite Books: Some of my favorite books are true-crime books

    MISS1's Friends:
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