12/12/09 7pm
Well, today I'm having some emotional struggles up and downs.� I've had moments that my heart jumps and think on how prior to exactly 7 days ago he used to always ask me if I still love him (constantly) and that If I was his, and I'd ask him if he's mine and that if he has eyes for me only or if he's always faithful to me while he's at work, he'd always answer yes and I'd always answer yes too.....� today, we don't care to ask that to each other any more.�
I found out he has been making "social" phone calls to different community hotlines for a while now..... when I first discovered it over 4 months ago he swore up and down that it was a co-worker who he was lending his phone to, yeah right!� I confronted him about a recent activity which happened to be on a day that I was visiting my mom who was sick over at a hospital which was over 1 1/2 hr drive.� When I discovered this he said it was not him, that the phone is acting up, he also did it during a day that we spent at DMV to inspect his vehicle to get it back on the road again.� WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?WHYYYYYYYYY????????????????? gosh, it hurts soooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He finally admitted it, looked at my crying and swore that nothing bad ever happened, that he never spent a penny on it., and that he won't do it again because he loves me, I believe him.�
I won't lye, I've been checking the phone records, no sign of daring calls like that, but then I wonder if he's using his business phone to do those calls, or maybe even meet someone physically or be with someone physically while he's at work, I worry so much, it's not even funny.� It's very very very hard to trust him again.
Can someone outthere gimme please some encouraging words.� I'm hurting so much, I love this man soooooo much!
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