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nodeadends 18, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries

Aug 2007
10:28 AM EDT

It's about time for me to get off work and I have alot of crap to take care of. Dss is one of the places I have to go to. My son's arm needs to be checked out. I have to keep reminding myslef that I did what was right for him, well us. I dont want this situation to come back and bite me in the ass. zay doesnt is in for a suprise, she is will take dj her lovely little brother to the walk in clinic to have his stictches removed. They are crusted over and nasty looking, I told joey to take him to the emergency room to have it taken care of . Of course he didnt. What an asshole. He will will not be having any contact with dj, phone or otherwise. A court order to put distance between him and dj seems to be the next step. I am unsure about the process but it cant be that hard to decipher. I went to church yesterday, it was fine, he topic was "tell the devil to give me my stuffd my back. I was thinking hmm if the devil has it I am unsure whether I want it back.

But anyway, I spoke to the guy I have been chatting with via the lovely internet. From our chattering its evident there is no " love connection". He still lives at home with his momma. No Thanks. Curtis and I talked again about reconcilling and he mentioned that I am demanding. Which I readily acknowledge. I think he was suprised when I admitted that I still love him. Something keeps me wanting him and loving him. We been here before but nothing has come of it. I want to reach out to him, I have many fears, real as well as fabricated via my genius cerebellum.

During my last conversation with the pastor he remarked that he sensed that he could sense my affection for Curtis. Everybody who is aquainted with me is cognizant of how I feel about him. Perhaps this is what is preventing to entering into another relationship. God father once told me in order to get married, find a mate I first need to become single. This seems to be true in my case. I do love Curtis, but Iam not about to get rapped up in him like I once was. I cant decide what I should do if anything at all. He is definitley more upfront with his feelings. All my love for him amounts to the fact I cant marry him. Not that I dont want to one day, I cant marry someone I cant trust, with curtis you never know where you stand. I have to get out more, I am not about to be trippin' over shit I am powerless over.

Tags: Powerless

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