Again�& again i see myself just breaking down every single�day Not crying just becoming more non-emotional.�I really dont get it anymore? Ever since 8th grade everything has been just so..horrible? I mean its like life sees me happy for one minute and they just say "oh no bri's happy we should do something to make her unhappy". Basically thats how i feel 24/7. My group is starting to fall apart even more now we're in highschool. Theres no more hope for me and them we will just have to go on our seperate ways. Maybe, their part in my story is over. Except for jess, she realizes now what i was going through in Middle school. Theresa and the other jess just dont seem to understand how they make us feel so horrible inside like we're not even wanted. That is why i stay as far away from them as possible. My skin hasn't been working with me lately which really sucks. I went to the dermatologist last week on wednesday and told me i had Seborrheic Dermatitis. Sounds scary right? Yes, i know when i heard what it was i wanted to just kill myself but, my mom searched through my scalp and told me again, i was misdiagnosed. my face was the only place where the dryness took place. My scalp was perfect no icky dandruff that looks like rotten eggs with cheese asdfghjkl :(!! Did i mention that i really hate doctors??? Well, i do. I've spent days searching up what i could have and i found the perfect answer Allergic Contact Dermatitis. Looked up pcitures and it was an exact match. Im guessing 3 possible things�that could've damaged my skin number 1: This 1 i am 96% sure that i might've got it from this the Aveeno Moisturizer that my friend gave me when i asked her for something to take away my dry skin. After two and a half days of using it i felt this rash start to appear. My other�4 percent im not particulary sure. But, i know that Seborrheic Dermatitis most of the time has really ugly dandruff and my dandruff is totally normal. Im crazy and i see things but my mother my sis and my friends tell me its perfectly normal so, im going with what they say because i'll see things and drive myself crazy cause im just too health counscious. But anyways, before i start driving myself crazy again seeing things that arent really there. I need to vent so much since i havent been really stable. A few months ago my sister and i well - correction basically my sister found a site my dad was registered to and found out he was gay. & my sister told my mom and my mom was just hysterical crying. saying how he wasted 15 years of her life. and blah. i blocked the rest out because i couldnt really listen anymore. I always felt my dad regreted me.. i dont know why. The feeling of regret and i dont know. My hearts been so black and not emotional that i really block everything out so, i dont cry myself to sleep with that aching pain in my chest. In the beginning of the year Alex..hmm my ex boyfriend..? so weird to say now since it's december now almost christmas CRAZY. Well, anyways back to what i was saying.. Alex wow, he has changed so dramatically since he cheated on me i dont even recognize who he is anymore honestly. hes an exact copy of kenneth. We havent talked since september. Everyday i see him well, most of the time i see him except for times i luckily run down the hallway not being able to see either of them - Melissa and Alex. 2 people i really love to avoid since so many memories come back that i've blocked out and just think of it as 'it never happened'. Anyways, he cheated on his recent girlfriend and hes going out with Savanna. Well, im guessing? Hes become a 'player'. Trust me thats not the Alex i once knew. Alex, was a sweet, shy, funny guy who loved acting and being himself. But, i always knew there was a side to Alex. Everything changing so quickly its like a blur to me. I mean im going crazy too. After being (hopefully) misdiagnosed i've been crazy. i need to see a doctor for my skin this is getting ridiculous i just need answers to my questions, really. WHY AM I SO HEALTH-CONSCIOUS UGH. ANYONE OUT THERE PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!!
Bri.
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