So, I had a "distracted" day! I started out by having to call Cory because I had forgot a paper at his house which I needed info off of... SO, after I got that straightened out,I told him that I was totally hurt by this all and said that if doesn't want me then we are over! I'm not going to play his game. He said he didn't know what to say because I caught him off gaurd. SO, then I thought about that and I had him figured out!!! I texted him: "SO, did i catch you off gaurd because you thought you could play with my heart and I'd still be here waiting? Damn Cory. I love you and want you, but you are losing me!" He texted back:Y"eah, maybe a little. Im sorry I am being such a jerk!! I love you too!" THEN after all this before I left the house I spaced out Sadie's haircut and totally missed it! AGH! Im a space when he jerks my heart around. why do I let him!? Don't answer that!
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So pathetic today! My tummy in knots, my mind somewhere else, my heart broken, my dreams crushed, I was totally PATHETIC>> I must say to myself, GROW up, GET OVER IT and GET ON with it! BUT, I didn't want to "get on with it today," I just wanted to mope around and feel sorry for myself. So, I had to pretend at work that nothing was wrong but a few people noticed I wasn't myself. I didnt' say anything about it at work!
I talked to Tom twice. He always enlightens me which is oddbecause he doesn't get any wisdom or words from God, but hey, I'm still workin on that! anyway, he kinda laughed at me, the said sorry for being too hard on me but he pointed out that we are "playing the game!" and that I got just what i wished for... In the past I had wanted to get rid of CN and move on,,, so here I finally got what I wanted he said! I agreed but I explained I was mad that he always wanted me and when I finally decide I want him he backs out! what's up with that!? SO, Tom said, he is just playing the game, he wants to have the upper hand for awhile and "teach me a lesson" and I should just say "to 'ell with 'em" BUT, on the other hand, if I want to play the game (which I don't) I need to play fair and let him "haveME time and decide what he wants, just as I have done several times in the past!" Okay, so with all that being said, I don't want to play the game but I think I better back off and give him time... and see if he comes around.So, that makes me sound desperate and DR. Phil said, I CAN NOT be desprate! DUH!
No one else sees it, and CN won't admit it but I think he is acting and talking like a typical guy who wants desperately to break up, see other girls and get as far away from me as possible but,.... NOT SHOW THAT because he wants to BE THE GOOD GUY and doesn't want to be TOO MEAN!! whatever! I know it would be totally hurtful but I think he should just come out and say that,,,, instead of being chicken shit! He wants his cake and eat it too,,,,Iknow thisbecauseWe talked briefly tonight(he texted me first) and he said, he still wants to chat, text and for me to call if I want or need to because he cares about me and still wants to be friends! I told him what Tom had said, and said Idon't want to play the game but I will give him his time as he has given me in the past! I also said, I hope it isn't too late when he decides. BUT, if I am right and he really doesn't have any intention of getting back together with me then what do I need to wait around for?so he can finishoff my broken heart! OH, boy, am I a mess, I reallyneed to just let him go, but I never thought he would do this to me. I thought when I was ready, we'd be getting married!!!! BUT, come to find out,"MR,I'm ready for commitment"REALLY ISN'T!OH and thanks for the NO SEX COMMENT! GOOD IDEA GOD!
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