Well, what a day,,, I desperately tried to air out my stinky house but it still stinks! It smells like I've been smoking "Campfire" cigs in here for 10 years! AGH! The smell is getting to my well being,,, as I smell it I think of how awful last night was! My mom said, MORE Fabreeze and TIME!
I have been So sad, missing CN all day! I feel like I want to cave and take him back! I wonder if he misses me at all... We've broke up Oct of 06 and that time it was all me wanting the break up and he was devestated. THis time I think it was more mutual and so I wonder how be feels. This is so different than greiveing Donnie. DB died and I knew I could never see him but I could see CN if I wanted to! and I DO WANT TO!
BY the way, sure i didn't mention but we had awesome sex the night before we broke up! Can't get that out of head! I don't ever want to have sex with anyone else!
I have been crying off and on all day! I try to keep myself busy but all I can think about is HIM! I haven't told the boys anything. I won't until I see if we are over for good. And I am hoping that they will just "Forget" about him and I just won't make a big deal about it!
Why do I have to be so mean and why did I always ride his ass? I pretty much drove him away! OH my heart is double broken,,, I haven't been thinking of DB much but I want him back if I can't have CN! I realize DB has been gone almost 2 years and I KNOW I can't have him back,,, that's what makes this different.
Is CN thinking of me? Does he still love me? WHen I think of him with another girl I start crying,,, I don't want to see that, even though I say he deserves to be happy!
I honestly think, if we could have finalized the merge plans then we'd still be together but I kept thinking I couldn't keep going on with no more commitment and me still SINGLE MOMMY all week!
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