It happened and I knew it would. W. found out that something is amiss and has kicked me out. I am currently staying with N. I don't know how wise this is as moving from a relationship that isn't completely finished to one that isn't completely started is never a wise move. I begin to wonder again the meaning of fate and search some where in the universe that will tell me that taking a blind leap of faith is alright as long as you know what can happen. If we get along develop a relationship and grew into a couple, a family and grow old together great...if not at the very least all the what if's about our past�are clear and we would know that it just wasn't meant. I of course hope it was and right now it seems to be.
On the other side is the general feeings resulting from an impending divorce. I feel bad for hurting W. I feel bad for not being able to make it work and I feel bad when I think of the good times. So in all this people tell me to make myself happy. None of these things make me happy they make me feel guilt ridden and mean. I know W. wasn't always good to me but he wasn't always mean either. No matter which way I choose someone will be hurt because of me and I wonder how I am supposed to deal with that.
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