questioningeverything's Journal

So I am not a person who has been in many, well any real, long-term relationships. It is always a question my relatives ask me, my friends at home, and I am sure my parents are wondering why I don't date. The truth is that I have had very few opporunities to date and when they come around I take them but they never turn into anything. I wantto say that around 80 or 90% of the time I am fine with not being in a relationship. Committment scares me to death and when it comes close I tend to push it away. I don't want the man of my dreams but I am not going to settle. It would just be niced to be asked out, to get nervous and excited for a date, and then to go on one. I want the companionship, okay the making out. I think me not being in a relationship has made me a bitter person. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be happy for people when I see they are in a relationship. Sometimes I reach that point and I think there is just something wrong with me. There are some times when I think about it and I just don't really meet a bunch of new people all the time and it is hard to even find someone who I am interested in dating. Right now there is a boy that I has lived a floor above me this year. We met the day he moved in. We said hi and had conversations here and there. We began to get know each other but he had a girlfriend. They broke up. We have hung out a few times. My friends all read too much into this stuff and put thoughts into my head about us turing into something. I don't think we will. I guess it just too hard for me to think that someone would really like me. It must be from the years of no one being interested or at least not acting on it at all. We are going to start seeing each other a lot more which who knows what that means. And right now I would be okay with us becoming good friends. There are things that I don't like about him but for some reason those reasons have no gotten in the way of me not liking him anymore. My lack of experience also doesn't help because I don't know what the signs are that a boy likes you. There are some comments made once in awhile which would lead me to believe that may be something there. I just don't know though. I don't know what to do or what any of it means. I am sick of being alone. I want to have someone to spoon with at night. Someone to ask me how my day was at night. Someone to have fun with. Someone who will teach me about everything and anything. I want to have one of those cute moments where you are just laughing and teasing each other and have that look in our eyes. The one that is in all the chick flicks. I want a friend. I wish that all of this wasn't so cheesey but for whatever reason, no matter what it always sounds like that. So I will am going to have wonderful saturday night of homework and being on duty. It is going to be amazing.

Thanks for listening