I've tried�improving myself�as a person.�Harder than ever..but sometimes I feel stuck, well with my life at least..til�I leave this house as an�adult. It's almost unbearable anymore..I feel numbness within me.Let's start with the fact that my�family just doesn't understand my thoughts or actions no�matter how much i try to explain them. They are just unnaturally close-minded.. it drives me close to insanity. They turn every conversation into something about Jesus.�Everything�relates back to him.�Sometimes i think they're half-zombies..I don't want to make this entry about them, and besides, it would take too much of my time to waste. I'll just end with the fact that they don't let me be a normal teenager. I've lived my whole life, up until a few years ago, being a remotely shy close-minded person. Heh..just like them. And I wasted my days doing senseless things...I feel like a very important time period of my life was thrown away. And my brain has dysfunctional mental problems now because of that. My parents didn't care how i lived my life. I was just something to take care of. I never had meaningful bonding moments with them. They never gave me advice on anything.�I had to go about�each and every little thing on my own.�Now, I've grown and realized the different ways I've wasted�those years. I could be a prosperous confident intelligent person, but it's so hard to start in such late years. Everyone seems to be way ahead of me socially. I mean, I have friends, it's just none of them are hardly even like me. I don't even think they fully understand me no matter how close we are. And our interests�almost completely�differ. I should be associating with the�indie free-spirited buoyant�sorta�people, but the one thing that holds me back is my social skills. I have quite a low experience. I don't worry about what people think, I just want them to accept me. So i've settled in with my crowd. I need new friends. I've grown and changed, but it's just hard to change your whole group of friends especially when they are socially experienced a lot more than I.
Now this was one jumbled entry of complex thoughts. I know I should've expanded in some places, it's a little confusing.
But I'd really like some feedback, thanks.
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