Hi there!
Not quite sure why I joined this website.... No offense, Inbox Journal! But I guess I just wanted a place where I could say what I wanted to without having to fear the wrath of either my fellow students or my familiars.�Not so easy a thing to do, when you're me.�
Hmm... where to start? I am not going to say how old I am, my name, or where I live (duh.), but you can call me... hmmm.... Annabel. Please refrain for leaving�disparaging comments, because I am very sensitive, no matter how indifferent I seem to be.
I have always been... different. Where everyone else would enjoy immense pleasure talking about the latest gossip and fashions, I would enjoy equal pleasure in discussing my latest favourite authour with fellow literary maniacs. I just can't seem to be like everyone else. And trust me, I've tried. And I'm not going to fly off here to say how incredibly special I am and that I will actually be the saviour of the world. I'm also not going to ramble off on an angsty tangent about how the whole world hates me. It doesn't hate me. We're just very different.
I have tried to like the things that you would expect me to, but I just can't. I cannot commmit myself to a life that revolves around those those things. I would be bored within a day, and then I would start sneaking off to my closet to read fantasy books in secret. (Which would of course create a whole separate gossip mill in my name.) Most people would pop in here, completely idealistic, and say that I'm allowed to be whoever I want and that the world can't stop me. I try my best. I really do. And most of the time I succeed. But sometimes I have to stop myself due to the looks I get. They make me feel so stupid sometimes. I know that�their opinions shouldn't matter to me. I try so hard to be strong. Sometimes, though, my shield just cracks and all their snide comments get through to me.
I will try not to be overly depressing (although I doubt that anyone will read this). I just can't say anything anywhere else because then I get either weird looks or laughed at. Not laughed at mockingly, but kind of like "Haha, you're so funny, Annabel, now say what you really do think." Which they expect to be exactly what THEY think. Which it isn't. I have a hard time saying what I think. I have a hard time backing up what I think. Mostly because I've never had enough self confidence to stand up to those in a different caste than me (you don't even understand the school-based caste system here.).
Hah. So much for not being depressing and angsty. I promise it won't happen again. Unless I am feeling particularly angsty that particular day.
Well, I am going to go now. I don't know who to address this to, seeing as I don't think that anyone will care about the moody ramblings and prose of a girl who has no one else to say this to.
Not expecting anyone to read this, or much less comment on it,
Annabel
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