nodeadends's Journal

My day is fucked up its my last day I showed up more than 30 minutes late, the bus driver ran up on the damn curb. X.E. was walking so slow I missed my intended bus. Then when I got here the space was tense. I called home earlier to find the boys were left alone with DJ's brother. Zay was supposed to be watching them; she was gone over an hour. She can't see why this is a problem, last night she left and tried to climb back in the window. Of course I opened the door, she brought DJ's bike back in and left both of my doors open. It's no wonder I woke up on time, thank god for Jerry. Who has told me constantly to put her so grown ass the hell out numerous times. I can't keep this up she is sabotaging me and everything I attempt. She claims she did the laundry the clothes don't look or smell clean at all. I am on the verge of choking her to death seriously. On lighter note, my baby's birthday went well she had her princess cake. Curtis the boys and I went to the park and McDonalds' of course. I had planned to talk to him about where things were going between us but he never showed up. I guess after I told him I wasn't going to fuck him he figured what was the point. He told me without saying anything where we stand. I have decided to let go of any hope of being with him and just focus on myself and the kids. He doesn't want shit, and I can't afford to waste another moment on him. Why can't he just be a man and say I am not that into you. Oh yeah I called the house a few minutes ago and the freaking line was busy, she does nothing all day but lay on her back, fuck for food or whatever she can get from someone. It's hard for me to fathom that we share the same god damn DNA. She is a lazy and slack ass hoe. Her hygiene needs work; before I get in the house I can smell her body funk! We have soap and water is free so what the hell is the problem. Maybe she is starting a new trend, clean is out and slackness is in! When I say I don't like her I mean that shit, she is nothing like me. She has no get up, no motivation, and most of all no fucking scruples. Her so call game is lame and tired what she is doing prostitutes having been doing (but better) since the biblical era. She doesn't remind me of myself; most people would say she is like me, not true. Yes she has some similar features but that is it. I don't even want people to know were related. I would like to forget she even exists. I wish she were dead, I told the pastor this some time ago; perhaps he thought I was speaking of out anger. Not all, I don't know what movie I saw this on but a woman killed her kids they could avoid becoming slaves. I want to murder her so I don't have the constant trouble and worry or headaches and ass aches she constantly causes. She is a pop off, with her paper thin anorexic looking ass. This is the reason why I need professional help and medication, to deal with the bullshit.