nodeadends's Journal

The day has just started and am already stressed out already. I went for an interview yesterday, as wasn't feeling it at all. I don't want to work for peanuts, but I have a family and bills to pay. I feel the job is beneath me, as is the case with this one. Not that I am not grateful I can do a lot better than what's being offered. I need to pay for my summer class. The kids are with my mom for the moment. Day care is shut down 'til next Tuesday. I need some real money. Speaking of which Curtis is trying to get his child support payments lowered that is laughable. He hasn't payed in three months so what is there to decrease. He says he want to be with me, having a hard time believing or trusting anything he says. His motives are not clear, I think he thinks being with me will lower or obliterate his financial obligation to X.E.,I can see where this is headed; he isn't pursuing me just wanting to get fucked. One day I want to settle down with the kids and have a nuclear family. Not sure Curtis is the one for this, he is so self absorbed and aloof. I tell the kids to ask for what they want but I won't do this with him for fear he may interpret such as being demanding. Being intimate with him is even awkward for me, he is much more aggressive. Like let's get to it, which is usually my role. This is hypocritical but his behavior is a turn off. He says he's monogamous, having trouble believing this.