nodeadends's Journal

 
    
08
Aug 2007
10:35 AM EDT
   

I was just thinking what is private any more? This site says private entry, I bet my son could access my so called private entry without much thought! Hey I could go to the gym,but I dont want to bump into Omar the wanna be super hero. I had to change the color the other gave me a headache. What the fuck am I going to after work? I should pack the rest of my shit. One thing good my washer is working. At least zay stayed long enough to get it fixed. she needs to fix herself and stop pretending all is good. She looks like shit on a stick. Even curtis commented on it. I told him I think she is on crack, but what can I do? I am just her dumb ass mother, who has more experience than she will ever have. I have to focus on me and getting my shit together on all levels ! I have to get my issues in check so I dont rear my children to hate me. I am horrible mother, I scream and curse at my kids daily. Sometimes I take my shit out on them or pretend I am ill or sleep to avoid them. Why did I have them I ask my self? Would they be better of If I were dead it is a likely probability. What the hell is wrong with me, what the hell is right with me. I live in a nasty house, I step over the filth. And keep it moving. I have no energy, however my rage drives me on occasion to go places I wouldnt normally venture to.
In about twenty minutes its back to reality, where the street is crowded with wanna be thugs and pretenders. Every one is pretending even me. I see the same shit every day, drugs sold, police chasing the so called bad people out of the neighboorhood only to come back like roaches. I wish I could exterminate my surroundings , I would become a vigilante and kill all them mother fuckers who pollute my enviroment not just with drugs but with that ghetto mentality. You know how some of us believe that we arent accountable for the shit we do and that we should always get a damn hook up. I dont mind helping someone occasionally but damn I hate when my kindess is confused with being a lollipop. I aint a sucker. I have a little game, and can put it down with the best. But Iam educated and can incorporate my street savvyiness with everything else.
Like I tell my boys just because I/we live in the hood doesnt mean we have to behave hood. Speaking proper english is a wonderful thing,
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nodeadends's Profile

  • Username: nodeadends
  • Gender / Age: Female, 18
  • Location: USA - New York
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