madhousewife's Journal

I am so stupid!!! I sit here with a 16oz glass of whiskey, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I am so tired of being depressed, and weak.

I am 50 freaking years old. I have grown kids, 9 grandkids, have lived in two countries, and yet that scrawny 79 yr old makes me feel like I am nothing and I let her. It's so dumb!! I think why not write Dr Phil, but I don't want to make her mad. How very sad. It isn't like she was any sort of major success at anything. She was married twice, no actual career just a regular blue collar worker, no high school graduate, two messed up daughters that feel worthless when she is around. She makes us feel like lousy parents, and worthless humans. Oh sure, to others she says we are just peachy, but to us everything we do is stupid.

To my credit... I have wonderful kids whom I love more than anything and I know they love me. I lived in Germany learning to drive and get around with three kids and most of the time alone while my husband was in the field. I have been married 32 yrs to a man I have never doubted loves me more than anything in this world.

I don't understand why things feel like before I moved out. Asking before I do anything, feeling oppressed. I don't know if she loves me, but I am pretty sure she doesn't like me. She seems to think I lie to her, decieve, hide things, and I don't. If I said it was raining and my 8yr old granddaughter who is 8 says it isn't, I must be lying.

Iwant my Dad back!! I always knew he loved me.