������������� Everything is going too well and I have no one to talk about it. So I write and I write some more. The whole day things could not get any better. I got clients I got deals and every one is happy. I got calls for jobs. I get promotions and offers. I met some one interesting. I’ve talked to old friends from high school. Everything is going great. It doesn’t get any better if nothing is going wrong.
��������������Maybe I spoke too soon. So I will say it like this… I smile all day because I don’t want to be weak. I look happy this way. But the truth is… I go out side and sit on the side walk. Under the moonlight where no one can see me. I look up to the sky for a star. There are many but I only want to see one. I reach in my pocket for a lighter and I began to take those puffs crying. Makes me want to puke. I say to my self “I don’t want any of this”. My life is filled with so much luck, but my heart is so empty. I see so many possibilities. I can become almost anything. But having a lot does not mean having enough or what is needed.
��������������I find it so easy to pull the trigger. I find it so easy to look for a tall bridge or a cliff. I am overwhelmed with these feelings trying to feel secure. I am in the wrong place. There has to be something else. There has to be another way or else I only have one way to set everything quiet in my head. I can be a leader of a crowd, but I feel like nothing. It doesn’t mean so much to me. I feel unwanted. I feel under every one. At the back, and far from being noticed. They see me but can’t read me.
��������������I don’t know what happened. I try so hard but it’s not enough or it’s not right. It’s far too complicated. I was almost happy. But something broke. My heart. I shall sit and wait for sunrise.
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