Well here it goes... my first entry...
So I�decided last night that I�need to start a diary. And why not on here? I�spend lots of time on the computer doing pointless stuff, so why not put that wasted time to use and get back into writing. Yes, I�use to write. Loved writing. English was one of my favourite subjects in school. I�loved doing the journal writings, even though I�never knew what to write at the time... once I�started writing I�just kept going lol. Anyways, the reason for this is because right now I�am going through ALOT�of stuff. Lots of stuff that some people know about, some that others don't know about. I�have gone through alot in my life, more than someone my age should have been put through, and I�truly think that has helped me become the person I�am today. I�think overall I'm a good person, that's what people say anyways, although�I'm sure I�could come up with a thousand reasons as to why I'm not a good person. Don't ask though, I�don't think I�actually have the time to do that, or the want to do it. So anyways, I'm not sure if this site will let readers leave comments, but if it does allow that and you have a comment, or advice you want to leave please do so. I truly value others opinions and right now I�definitely feel the need for advice, I�want to know what people think and what others would do if they were in my situation.
The first thing that is on my mind... the thing that is always on my mind lately is boy trouble... of course!�Why wouldn't it be about a boy... I'm a girl... and I�like the boys lol. So I'll tell you about this person, leaving out names of course. So I�met this guy at work. We flirted�a little here and there�with each other, he seemed like a really amazing person, someone I�really wanted to get to know. So one Sunday my ex called (yes I was married, currently seperated (mutual decision), awaiting divorce... I�hate that word lol) to basically tell me he was sleeping with someone out where he is (he joined military as 'an easy way out'). I�know we are seperated, and all he put me through I�couldn't be more happier. It still hurt though. Alot. Like a punch in the gut... or something along those lines. So I�said fine I'm gonna have my own fun! Thursday nights is ladies nights at a bar I've been to before, and Thursdays are the perfect night for me to go out with having a sitter for the kids. So I�asked the guy and a girl who I�didn't really know at the time, to come out. I�honestly didn't expect them to show, but they did. I�was really happy about that. Well the guy and I�got closer and closer, I�guess you could say we were like making out on the dance floor. It was awsome. I�was happy! It seemed like for once in my life I�was getting exactly what I�wanted and I�didn't know what to do! So we went out again the next week, same thing. But he'd say stuff like "get away from me I'm no good for you" which I�found odd, but I�still went with it. Then I�heard from one of the girls at work he had a gf. I�was like "no way!" I�couldn't believe someone would do that when he has a gf, and I�was also upset cause just like always, I�never truly get what I�want lol. So on that Sunday (after the second Thursday we went out) he tells me he does have a gf. I�was so upset I�didn't know what to say to him or what to do. So I told him I�was done. I�did not want to cause any problems for him and his gf. I�did not want to be the reason they split up if it came to that. I�walked away. I�said I was going to just leave him alone and I�left. Maybe 5 mins after leaving I�receive a text from him. Saying "what if I�don't want you to leave me alone?" Stupid me texted him back. I�should have ignored that. I�didn't want to... wait yes I�did LOL!�Of course I�did. I�do feel bad for being that person... the other girl, but when I'm with him the feeling is absolutely unexplainable. I�feel like I'm walking on air or something. So anyways, things got better between us... for a while... now it feels like things are getting worse, like I'm definitely losing him. Perhaps it's my fault though... he always goes on about how bad he feels, how he knows he is treating me unfairly, her unfairly, and being unfair to himself. I�told him he has to pick. He has to decide who he wants to be with, or if he wants to be without someone, and he needs to decide on his own. And he has to do something about it. He's got to do what he wants to do, what will make him happy. He says he has feelings for me. He says he has tried to dump the gf and that�he doesn't know how much longer he will be with her, but really, if he didn't want to be with her he wouldn't be. I'm not stupid I�know that much. I�know he still cares about her, obviously... he said they've been together over�a year. If he didn't have feelings for her I'd be worried.
Ok so I'm leaving out ALOT�of important stuff here. But really right now I�don't feel like writing it all out. I�will post what I�wrote last night though, I�have it saved onto my computer. I�wanted to write but hadn't found a good journal site yet.
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