jesssie's Journal

I try so freakin hard to make everyone happy, but you know what? You CAN'T please everyone, and I learn that everyday, over and over! It seems like everytime I turn around, something else has gone wrong. My best friends who were all happy yesterday are not that way anymore. In fact, two of them are angry with me and I'm not even sure why. I'm really tired of getting attacked for doing things I'm not even aware of doing -- like, I can't fix ANYTHING if i don't know what I'm fixing! I wish people would come right out and say what i did wrong, instead of just assuming I did this and that I know what it was. I have no idea. this goes for a ton of people.

and yeah, yesterday everything was fucking fine and dandy, and now im being somewaht chirped because of some drunken words, lol sserrrrriously. im soooo tired of this im TIRED of fucking 14-16 year olds thinking they are the motherfucking SHIT. even myself! im not better than anyone and no one is better than me, but we all walk around acting that way.

and im sick of all of it! honestly i just wanna hang out with lauren, no one else. because she doesnt fucking get mad at me about the stupidest things, i feel like i dont have to try to impress her! she always makes me laugh and shes one of the only people who dont spazz out at me. she actually comes to me first and im not saying this directly to anyone like, at all. but its her birthday today and im so upset that i live in st thomas, i cant even spend some time with my friend on her birthday! or even see her! it sucks somuch.

and i have been so proud of me and tiah our friendship has been really good lately.. but yet i constantly find ways to somewhat fuck it up all over again?? i dont know what i did but i can not stand her getting mad at me anymore and i just want to do everything RIGHT from now on! and it sucks when i have a best friend who is pretty close with an ex of mine, but when my ex and i still talk and we're still really close.. like to be honest i dont trust him at all and i CANT trust him. but he trusts me , and maybe he cant but i havent said a word to anyone about anything , so i dont know why hes so scared or whatever. i wish he could just stop though and understand that his secrets are safe with me-- which isnt the case with my secrets to him^o)!

okay well whatever.