Did you ever think, that someone so close to you, could possibly ever leave your side? The person who you just thought without a doubt, no matter what happened and no matter what you went through, no matter how close or far apart you are from them.. you just kind of knew, theyd always be there for you. And then they leave!!! And it seems like, it was all some kind of lie. Everything up until the point of their departure was fake. The words they said were fake. The smiles they gave you were fake. The things they did for you were just lies. They never meant a word, they never had good intentions, it was just a cover. I hate it all because you start to believe in that person and then they let you down. And you wish they didn't let you down because it was the one thing that kept you going. But when they do, and you survive it; you realize that you have more to live for than one person. One person; who fucked you over. That one person is such a small person when you compare - there are over six billion people on the planet for us to meet. Yet that one person, that one single person meant so much. And you still don't want them to go, even when they tear your heart apart, and screw with your mind and they make it so you cant concentrate on anything other than them. I think it's on purpose, but i could never be sure. Because I really don't think that anyone that special would want to hurt anyone on purpose, right? It just hurts to think about what could have been, and how much of an impact one person can have on my life! One person. I mean, other people have hurt me, and Ive lost other friendships and relationships and all of that, but when it actually happens to you- no matter how many times it happens.. you never get used to it. It's surprising everytime. You never see it coming, even when you expect it. I expected this to happen, honestly. I knew it wasnt going to last long like we had hoped for -- but it helped to hope. Because then I knew it wasnt just wasting my time. I dont think anything between me and this person was a waste of time. And, its never going to be completely over. He will be in my life for much longer, I wont forget him and I really hope he doesnt forget me. I hope I wasnt just another girl to him. He was so much more to me, in a lot of ways. But mainly he was my best friend. I told him things I told no one else. Not even my closest girl friends. And he kind of betrayed me in a lot of ways, but you know, when you put sooo much trust into someone that you forget about whatever they did, to fuck anything up! Because you believe so hard in what they can do for you and why you are keeping them around? Well if there is anything I learned..I don't do well in relationships. I am hot tempered and I am one to assume. I never ask for the truth, but there is a reason for that. I trust the people I get my information from, I trust my best friends. I need to learn a lot of things still but I guess that is what life is aboutright? Learning.. I dont knoww.
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