bookunread's Journal

Aug 2016
12:56 AM PST

Friends

I've always found it easy for myself to make friends, I guess I'm seen as a fairly sociable person. One who'd you like to go to high school football games with. Or get a bite to eat at your local cafe. Or vent to about how your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend who you say is so much uglier than you but in retrospect is probably ten times better for him than you were.... But when it's my turn, When i need someone. Everyone vanishes. I really don't expect a lot from anyone anymore, and yet i expect too much from myself. Why do I let the wrong people in? Why am i there for everyone and anyone, damn well knowing they'll never be there in the same sense as i would? Do i chose the wrong friends to surround myself with? Or is it i rely to heavy on others in times of need? Is this how it's always going to be..? I need to learn to deal with my problems myself and make myself if no one else will... �

Tags: Friends, Independence, Myself, Self-reliance

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Aug 2016
11:17 AM PST

Hurting

I really wish someone could just know the feeling i'm having nd tell me what to do. My heart feels like it is actually �breaking, but i could never tell him that. There's so much i want to get off my chest and tell him, but i dont. I feel like if i do say something, i'll look weak. Like i have nothing better to do than to sit around and dwell on everything. Like i am ulitmately on giant burden in his life. I also don't want to start a fight, i mean it's bad enough i feel this way, he should either. part of me even feels like even if i do tell him, that he won't change anything. I sit up at nnight trying to fall asleep wondering if he's thinking about me while he's out til 6 in the morning drinking, which he has found to be his favorite hobby apparently.
I don't even want to say the words 'Break Up' out loud... �but boy have i thought them. I really am hoping he's just doing this for the first week and will soon settle down... that's what i'm praying for atleast... But how can you put a person through so much pain and not even seem to notice.... how can you go hours without �calling or texting and just assume that i get it or i don't mind. How can a boy who means so much to you treat you likr you mean so little... how to you fix a hurting heart?

Tags: boyfriend, heartbroken, love, myself, relationship

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bookunread's Profile

Username: bookunread

Gender / Age: Female, 26

Location: USA - California

BOOKUNREAD's Interests:

About Me: I am very socialble and love people. I love to give and seek advice. I love life although it tends to get messy and complicated at times, I love to make new friends and express myself

Interests: Reading, Writing, Adventure, Meeting new people, Sunrises, Outdoors, Music, Volleyball, Going to the gym, Food, Meeting new people, Giving advice