bettyboxedin's Journal

 
    
15
Oct 2006
5:31 PM CEST
   

i am beginning to sink back into a deep depression once again and have lost all insperation. here is a poem i wrote a few weeks ago. demonds lurk they lurk esspeclially at night cling to the shadows of my mind whisper my deepest fears to me cutting me scareing me bleeding my blood like an endless river you seek good nights and nightmares seek me
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15
Oct 2006
12:32 PM CEST
   

first off these journal entry dates are wrong. do you ever feel as if you are being avoided? thats how i feel today. i wonder if it is just me or are people really avoiding me? if they are what did i do to be givin the silent treatment? i try so hard to be nice and everything and never get angry but i don't understand anything that is going on in my head right now
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15
Oct 2006
7:42 AM CEST
   

This morning i woke up early and could not get back to sleep. i keep haveing these nightmares about my boyfriend and i am starting to feel like not sleeping anymore they just won't go away what can i do? If i have one more of these nightmares i feel as if i am going to go crazy. sometimes when i dream about something it ends up being a vision what if this comes true? i think i would die if this night mare ends up coming true. i have waken up stressed these two past mornings because of these dreams and i just want them to stop. i am out of my sleeping medication too so that doesn't help very much. WHAT DO I DO?!?!
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14
Oct 2006
6:08 PM CEST
   

I always wonder if i am the only one on this planet who feels lonely today like no one gives a damn or no one understands. I feel as if i am so different from my family thati don't even fit in not even my looks are the same as any of the family i assosiate with. the music i listen to is different and they constantly critizie my music and my hobbies. is there something wrong with me for being so different? or is it okay to be unique? i have been off my medication for 4 days so maybe it is my illnesses talking. i just need someone to let me know they understand. I wish i could get a hold of my boyfriend so he could help me through this. he made me promise i would call him when i need someone to talk to no matter the time. but his power is out so he is not on msn and his phone line is down. and i don't want him to feel as if i am a burden to him he said i won't but thats what my parents said and look where we are now. i just need someone who understands to talk to me. my friend maggie can't help because she doesn't understand and has a simple way of thinking so she never gives me any advice that is realistic. my boyfriend is the only one i can turn to but that connection is cut off because of weather
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2 comment(s) - 06:52 PM - 10/14/2006
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bettyboxedin's Profile

  • Username: bettyboxedin
  • Gender / Age: Female, 34
  • Location: Canada
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    BETTYBOXEDIN's Interests:

    About Me: i am a self employed artist/ photographer. ummm i live in a small farm town and love it. i am very happy with my life right now i have just gone through 6 years in hell and just met the man of my dreams and since i met him everything has just gone up hill. I have been through a lot and have learned a lot through those experiances. even thought they were hard to go through i got positvie results such as self emprovment and life lessons i will never forget. I volunteer at a homeless shelter and love it! I love horses they are my favorite animal and i am starting volunteer work at a horse farm where they do therepy for kids with dissabilites.

    Interests: my intresting inculde horses, journaling, painting, really long walks and my passion is music and expressing my self through my art (music,painting,photography,journaling ect,)and volunteering at a homeless shelter, and skate boarding and watching my boyfriend compete in skate compatitions

    Favorite Music: my favorite music is punk my favorite punk bads are Rise against and i like Nirvana, and a varietyof other types of music. I also like screamo and classic rock. my fav screamo bands are korn,and Insane clown possy

    Favorite Movies: My favorite movies are the equilibrium, kill bill vol. 1 ( vol.2 sucks) and i like the untouchables, Schindlers List, VIOLENCE!!!!! chickflicks ya they suck

    Favorite Television: UFC, Family Guy, Trailer Park Boys, Kenny v.s Spenny, and Csi.

    Favorite Books: Memoires of a Geisha, the hiding place, number the stars, hatchet, brians winter, the outsiders, and a complicated kindness