auxilary25's Journal

Jun 2007
3:35 PM EDT

Sex Dilema :/

I really don't know what's wrong with me...Maybe my depression has hit a new low or my self-esteem issue is back. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and we literally do everything together. But for the past 4 months all the times that we've had sex he's been the one doing everything while I just lay there and enjoy the ride. The problem is I can't do it...I've only been on top like 3 or 4 times so I really don't know how to do is as "professionally" as the girls he's been with. I know how to do it..how to move my hips...I know how to go fast...I really do but I'm terrified that I won't blow his mind away as he does to me. He's 28 and I'm 21 so he has A LOT more experience when it comes to sex than what I do. We are getting married so I don't have to worry that he's going to turn to anyone else and he's told me that he isn't in any rush he's going to spend the rest of his life with me and he knows that at one point or another I'll finally feel comfortable to do it...I WANT TO SO BAD!! But when I go to do it...when I have all his clothes on and I'm on top I freeze...can't move my hips cuz he's just looking @ me and I'm just thinking "what if he doesn't like it..what if it doesn't feel good?"....I just wonder if anyone out there has ever had this problem...

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1 comment(s) - 07:41 AM - 04/04/2010

auxilary25's Profile

Username: auxilary25

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA - California

AUXILARY25's Interests:

About Me: I'm 21 years old and I'm a university student majoring in accounting. I'm in a relationship right now where I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I truly have no doubt in my heart that this is the man that I want to marry because he completes me in every way. My only problem in this relationship has always been my bfs past. My mind is always going back to his past and comparing the love he felt for them to the one he feels for him. My insecurity has led me to believe that I'm not his 1st choice that he's with me because his "love" left him behind...it was 5 years ago but still the thoughts are there..hopefully through journaling I can get this feeling out of my heart so that our relationship can get stronger.

Interests: I love reading whenever I actually have the time. One of my fav authors is Jodi Picoult. I'm a big Harry Potter fan but unfortunately I haven't gotten around to finishing the last book eventhough I started a year ago.. I love my nintendo Wii and I can't wait for more games to come out. I love to work out 4 times a week because it helps me release my stress and feel good about myself.

Favorite Music: Ashlee Simpson, My Chemical Romance, Jessica Simpson, Daughtry, All American Rejects, Simple Plan, Plan White Ts...and the list goes on

Favorite Movies: Sweet Home Alabama, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Grease, Crazy Beautiful, Beaches, What Dreams May Come, Dirty Dancing, Man on Fire, and Trison and Isolde.

Favorite Television: Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, and FRIENDS!! Everybody Loves Raymond, I Love Lucy, King of Queens, My Wife and Kids.

AUXILARY25's Friends:
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