auxilary25's Journal

Jun 2007
10:24 PM EDT

So it's official..I'm giving up all hope on having any type of "GOOD/POLITE" relationship with my mother. On Sunday, Father's Day, I went over to my grandmother's house to spend it with my uncle since he has been the male that closely has remebled the father figure in my life. We (my uncle, boyfriend, and myself) went to Dave & Busters to play games, dinner, and played board games at home. Afterwards I dropped of my bf @ his house and we stayed talking for like an hour in the car so I got home around 2. When I arrive home and stay downstairs to organize the kitchen (cuz my mom left dirty dishes and didn't pick crumbs from the floor) I hear my mom call out to me so I just tell her I'm downstairs...well like 10 min later when I'm going upstairs I catch her "creaping" downstairs to check on what it was that I was doing!!!
MY GOD! I'm in my own freaking house!!! Am I not entitled to be downstairs and have the privacy to do whatever I choose?? It's 2 AM she should be worried about sleeping because a) she has a cold b) she has work but instead she's fucking coming downstairs being a NOSY ASS to see what the fuck her daughter is doing. I mean, what the hell is she imagining? Oh no, don't tell me that her daughter can possibly be washing dishes!! She's PSYCHO!!!
But the drama doesn't stop there...my mom then FOLLOWS ME TO MY ROOM and says "that's not the same clothes that you were wearing when you left".....ummm first of all yes it is...2nd of all so what if I decided to change clothes?? What's the fucking deal??? Do I not wash my own clothes? Why am I not entitled to change clothes? Does that automatically mean I'm guilty of some crime because I changed my clothes?? I tell her "yeah whatever" and close the door but as she walks away she makes the remark "that boyfriend of yours realy hasn't come out to be any good for you"....I felt like yelling back..."AS IF MY FATHER CAME OUT FUCKING GOOD!!?? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE??" but I didn't wanted to get into a heated argument @ 2 am plus she wasn't worth the effort.
I can't sleep @ this point so I decide to clean my hamsters cage...to no surprise 15 min later my mom walks behind me asking me why it is that I'm cleaning the cage at this time...as far as I'm concerned there is no time requirement to do any type of cleaning...why do I have to do things on the schedule that she wants only? why can't I decide when to do my own things?? It's just such stupidity idk what's wrong with her that she has to investigate any little noise that occurs around the fucking house...we have alarm...no one is sneaking in so just go to bed!!
I'm more PISSED at this point so I decide to organize the computer room desk..but as I walk past her room I notice that she purposely left the door to her room open to HEAR where I'm @ in the house and what I'm doing...OMG!!! THIS IS SICK!!!!!!! GO TO SLEEP WOMAN!! GO TO SLEEP!! I just want to rip something..anything at this point because really my mom is PSYCHO!!!!
So I finally decide to slam her door to fucking prove to her that she can't control me...and then after organizing the room I hit the exercise machine in my house for 30 min...that was SOOO GOOD I just hit it hard released everything and FINALLY went to bed @ 7 am...
Today I did what I wanted...I got home @ 2 am again because I was studying...but since I'm sick of seeing her face I went to my bfs house to study which pissed her off..plus she took the day off work today so I made sure NOT TO BE HOME not one moment during the day...heaven forbig we have to breathe the same air longer than we have to...it's terrible and sickening that I feel ths way about my mother...but really what can I do? After taking her to the movies to try and be nice she accuses me of "taking her because I want something"...UMM YEAH I want my mother to actually have a relationship with me...so that one day we can give each other a kiss on the cheek at least or a HUG!! FUCK! but like I said @ the start of this...I;'ve given up hope..I have one year to graduate and move out...for now my goal is to be home as little as possible!!

Good night...hopefully I can get some sleep now :)

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2 comment(s) - 11:25 AM - 06/21/2007

auxilary25's Profile

Username: auxilary25

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA - California

AUXILARY25's Interests:

About Me: I'm 21 years old and I'm a university student majoring in accounting. I'm in a relationship right now where I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I truly have no doubt in my heart that this is the man that I want to marry because he completes me in every way. My only problem in this relationship has always been my bfs past. My mind is always going back to his past and comparing the love he felt for them to the one he feels for him. My insecurity has led me to believe that I'm not his 1st choice that he's with me because his "love" left him behind...it was 5 years ago but still the thoughts are there..hopefully through journaling I can get this feeling out of my heart so that our relationship can get stronger.

Interests: I love reading whenever I actually have the time. One of my fav authors is Jodi Picoult. I'm a big Harry Potter fan but unfortunately I haven't gotten around to finishing the last book eventhough I started a year ago.. I love my nintendo Wii and I can't wait for more games to come out. I love to work out 4 times a week because it helps me release my stress and feel good about myself.

Favorite Music: Ashlee Simpson, My Chemical Romance, Jessica Simpson, Daughtry, All American Rejects, Simple Plan, Plan White Ts...and the list goes on

Favorite Movies: Sweet Home Alabama, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Grease, Crazy Beautiful, Beaches, What Dreams May Come, Dirty Dancing, Man on Fire, and Trison and Isolde.

Favorite Television: Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, and FRIENDS!! Everybody Loves Raymond, I Love Lucy, King of Queens, My Wife and Kids.

AUXILARY25's Friends:
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