andheartsme's Journal

i hate everything. im through with it all. i dont care anymore. there is nothing left in my life left pursuing. you know how people always say your suppose to chase after your dreams? its bullshit. there is no dream worth following. ive had it up to here. i never gave up fully until now. its all gone. everything in my life is now going down the tubes. i want another shot at life but i cant do it. not by myself and no one is going to help me. i dont have any true friends anymore. tiare ditched me for rina. healani for makana. hayley for monica.nicole for lina. katie for malia.and now my sister for micheal. he positively hates me. and i didnt even do anythign to him. he is just so selfish to even think about my feelings. they dont care. they are lost in their own little dream world. i hate it. they know of nothing. and they can all just go and crack themselfes over a mountain because i certainly dont need them anymore. i dont need anyone. and no one needs me. i deserve to be the loser. you know how hard it is when your sister knows everything,has a bf,is lighter than you,has all the crushes,clearer complexion and more popularity? no you dont. no one does and no one will ever understand my situation. they all think its jus fun and games to be a twin but its a pain in the ass. i hear compliments and insults that shes the better twin, she is the not evil twin. shes the skinnier twin and shes the god damn prettier twin well i dont care anymore because if everyone just thinks that then i will go and chuck myslef off a mountainh or a bridge. maybe thats what i should do. i keep asking myslef if i have anything laft to lose? and the answer is no. i lost ecverything before i ever had it. adn dont five me bullshit about god. he will never want me in his heaven anyway. he doesnt want me there and he knows it.