SamanthaAlexandra's Journal

Feb 2007
8:28 AM PST

Fuck life. Mine sucks. I realize it could be worse, A LOT worse, but for me, it sucks. I'm looking really forward to this photography shit I have to do. Perhaps it'll help me relieve stress and bottled up emmotions. Fuck emmotions.

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Feb 2007
2:38 PM PST

I'm realizing that my life is a lot like that of Zachery Braff's character in The Last Kiss. My life is exactly how I had envisioned it as a kid. I'd be in a good college, persuing my amazing future career, balancing school, work, and friendships. Some bumpy spots, but overall, no surprises, nothing interesting is happening. Now, if I get a boyfriend, I'm not going to go behind his back when we get into a fight and start fooling around, but I really hope my equivalent to that comes soon. My wrench in the machine, crack in the sidewalk, white carnation among a field of red roses- I'm ready for it.

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Jan 2007
2:54 PM PST

Yesterday and the day before I was sick and pissed. New semester means more work, more teachers, more classes, and more shit faced people you have to get to know in order to not look like a loner. When you add all of that up and mix it with being sick you come up with stress. I had a melt down yesterday in the shower. I cried like a baby. Tears running down my face before my skin was able to send a message to my brain that the water was too hot. It felt really good to just stand in the shower, hot water pouring on my head, hands in my face, tears mixing with water and dripping down to my lips. The salt tasted good. I had a revelation (if that's the right term). I don't care if I'm a loner. I will get through my classes, I always do. I just need to really follow my internal time management instincts, that's all. I'm going to do just fine because that's how I am. I am a boring, follow the rules, goody toes shoes, whom never gets a chance to have real genuine fun. I'm okay with that.

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Jan 2007
2:21 PM PST

Three days until I leave Simi. Four days until I'm back at home. I don't know how I'm going to last the summer.

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Jan 2007
3:38 PM PST

I am sick. This time when I say this I mean physically sick, not a mental self obsorbed petty sick lke before. I was ready for a change. I'm starting to change my outlook on life, at least for now or for the time being. I cut my hair and dyed it darker. It was a good change and a nice step towards the kind of altaring my life needs. I plan on going into the semester with an open mind and a new outlook. I think being sick is my body's way of cleansing itself in attempts to fulfill this new life I have planned, or lack thereof planning. I'm starting to realize I may not live in my fairytale life that I had so many times dreamed up, but I am happy.

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Jan 2007
8:27 AM PST

I'm sick of it. It's time for a change.

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Nov 2006
4:02 AM PST

you may not know it yet but you have something of mine. you may not have asked for it, but i gave it to you anyway. whether or not i wanted you to be the keeper of something so dear and fragile was not up to me. the worst part of you not knowing what you have is that you can break me at anytime without even realizing. and if you don't break me then i might just be locked up for the rest of time. but i do not want to tell you what you have and the importance of it because i think i would rather you break me on accident than on purpose. so here i am. because i cannot tell you i am just writing it down and locking it away. and now is my hope for you to please not keep me locked away.

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Nov 2006
8:47 PM PST

4:47am Sleeping seems like such a waste of time. My life is already moving too fast. The moments I wish that could stay forever seem to vanish before they had even begun. I realize now that my life is too precious, too fragile to simply throw away and neglect into sleep, although, sleep deprivation doesn't seem much like an acceptable alternative either. I wish I could pause a moment in time at my will. If I had one superpower, that's what it'd be. I always thought flying or being invisible upon will would be the ideal, but no, I've changed my mind. I do not wish to cheat life or extend it, just prolong the moments that seem too short and pass by so soon. I do not wish to be immortal because living forever would cause too much grief, but living to the fullest, becoming captivated in every single blissful moment of my life, that would be the ideal. But alas, that is not possible. Not because such wishes do not come true, but because such wonderful moments seem to pass by too quickly no matter how long they remain.

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SamanthaAlexandra's Profile

Username: SamanthaAlexandra

Gender / Age: Female, 36

Location: USA - California

SAMANTHAALEXANDRA's Interests:

About Me: Every angel is terrifying The drugs are a fabulation. Every wisp of smoke I inhale and exhale is a story formed from one breath to another. Take this train I'm on, for instance. It could suddenly lift from its rails and be taken to a desolate planet, a razed nothing where food and water is scarce. I wonder, then, who would make love to whom, who would be eaten first and by what method we would decide this sacrificial process. Or perhaps we'd all just be too hungry to think about it...

Interests: www.myspace.com/samanthaalexandra