PoeticPurple's Journal

Oct 2011
4:23 AM CST

Car Flames, Childish Games

I'm a nervous wreck tonight. Peeking out windows every five minutes, my heart pounding, in constant fear. A feeling i was once familiar with. And all because of early today when i was awaken by a school girl wearing a pink book bag with a ponytail, constantly banging on my porch windows. peeking out the window the girl seem frighten, in a panic, then she ran off. I thought she was in some kind of trouble. Puzzled i sat back on the couch and later she ran back banging on my windows and doors again. Something wasn't right at all. i started looking through windows all around my house and discovered my car in the backyard were in flames! I was in a brief shock. But i hurried and grab a weapon and my son (4 year old ) and ran out the house looking for help. ( Perfect timing, I don't even have a working phone this week). By time i got outside the firefighters were pulling up and put the flames out. My car? A disaster! To deepen the mystery my car caught fire from the rear and its been parked since 1:00pm.. The firefighter said usually it would have started in the front of the car, under my hood where all the wires, engine, etc. Then he asked did i have any enemies. I don't know anyone, i have no friends, and the only people i associate with is my 2 cousins. The only person i can imagine who would possibly do something like this to me would be him. the man who says he loves me then turn around and put me down, call me names, breaks in my home, threatens to kill me, and have pulled a gun out on me once before to scare me, then turns around and say hes change and wants to be a family,� but always retaliate against me when i don't do as he say.� Petty things such as not calling or not coming to see him when he wants me too... But this..? I try not to believe he would go this far, to that extreme that if it wasn't for that girl banging on my window, me deciding to sleep in the living room to even hear her knocking, or someone calling the firefighters. All this could of resulted into something much more worse then a burnt car but the lives of me and his son. He uses a lot of mind control but never have physically abuse me. But im smart enough to know how things can escalate from one behavior to another.� I say im smart enough to know better, but dumb enough to have forgiven in the first place. After all the chaos he has caused in the past. When will i finally realize enough is enough? i never fought back like him. so why not bully me if i allow him too? i only separate myself from him time after time.I cant be afraid, and i cant allow guilt to return. Gotta find the strength to stay away and be done with this man completely and face the consequences that follow. Because continuing to deal with him will result into someone truly getting hurt. And i would not be able to live with myself if something ever happens to my son. he hasn't changed, and he wont change. I'm the one who needs to change. change for the stronger, the better, the wiser, the brave..... wont sleep till dawn though. Lord give me strength!

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Username: PoeticPurple

Gender / Age: Female, 37

Location: USA - Michigan